Andrew Flintoff was named BBC Sports Personality of the Year in 2005
Andrew Flintoff has revealed his struggle with anxiety, nightmares and flashbacks following the high-speed car accident which he says "changed my life forever".
The former England all-rounder sustained serious facial injuries in a crash while filming Top Gear in December 2022.
Now the 46-year-old has spoken publicly for the first time about the incident and its aftermath as part of the second series of Freddie Flintoff's Field of Dreams, which begins on BBC One on 13 August (21:00 BST).
"I don't know what completely better is," said Flintoff in scenes filmed at the beginning of this year.
"I am what I am now. I'm different to what I was. It's something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. Better? No, different."
One of the most famous cricketers England has produced, Flintoff played 79 Tests between 1998 and 2009.
He played a pivotal role in the epic Ashes triumph of 2005, after which he was named BBC Sports Personality of the Year.
'I should not be here'
Known as 'Freddie', Flintoff moved into TV presenting at the end of his cricket career and fronted Top Gear from 2019 until the crash three years later.
In the first series of Field of Dreams, aired in 2022, Flintoff returned to his hometown of Preston to assemble a cricket team of teenagers that had never played the game before.
The second series centres on taking the team on a tour of India and began filming before Flintoff's accident.
The crash occurred 12 weeks before the tour was scheduled to take place. In the documentary, Flintoff is shown a week and a half after the accident in footage he shot himself on his phone. It reveals the initial extent of his facial injuries.
"I genuinely should not be here with what happened," he said. "It's going to be a long road back and I've only just started. I'm going to need help. I really am. I'm not the best at asking for it.
"I'm looking forward to seeing the lads. I really am. This India trip is going to be for me as much as them now. I'm determined. I really want to go."
In the end, the tour would have to be delayed until 2024.
Seven months after the accident, in the summer of 2023, Flintoff was visited by close friend and fellow coach Kyle Hogg.
The exchange between the two, captured in the documentary, is Flintoff's first explanation of the impact the accident had on him.
By that stage, Flintoff had undergone a number of operations on his face and rarely left his home. When he did it was with a "full face mask and glasses".
'It's been so hard to cope with'
I thought I could just shake it off," said Flintoff. "I wanted to shake it off and say 'everything's all right', but it's not been the case.
"It's been a lot harder than I thought. As much as I wanted to go out and do things, I've just not been able to.
"I struggle with anxiety. I have nightmares, I have flashbacks. It's been so hard to cope with."
Flintoff eventually met the cricket team six months later - 13 months after the accident - to resume planning for the tour of India, which finally took place earlier this year.
Filming of Top Gear was halted following Flintoff's accident. In March 2023 the BBC apologised to Flintoff, who agreed in October of the same year a package of compensation, reported by The Sun to be £9m.
In November 2023 the BBC confirmed Top Gear would not return "for the foreseeable future".
In September 2023, Flintoff returned to cricket in the coaching staff of the England white-ball team. He remained part of the set-up through to the T20 World Cup in June, where England were beaten in the semi-finals.
He is currently in his first full-time head coach position, with Northern Superchargers in The Hundred.
'You're coaching people - not players'
Speaking at the launch of the new series of the documentary, Flintoff said the show aided his coaching education.
"I learned a bit about coaching," he said. "Ultimately you're coaching people, you're not coaching players.
"That's something I'll take away in my career, whatever that leads to next. I suppose I found a confidence in India that had been lacking in recent times.
"I'd love to do more coaching. I don't know in what entity. I'm quite open-minded about it all, then a little bit of TV as well. This has been the perfect introduction back into coaching."
Flintoff's sons, 18-year-old Corey and Rocky, 16, made their debuts for Lancashire's second XI earlier this year.
Rocky has since signed professional terms with the county, made his debut for England Under-19s and became Lancashire's youngest ever first-team player when he lined up against Kent in the One-Day Cup in July.
From BBC