Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, \"You'll
not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy\". Paddy replies, \"OK Mick, I'll
be on my way then.\" Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He
falls flat on his face. \"Shoite\" he says and pulls himself up by the
stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls
flat on his face, \"Shoite!\" He looks to the doorway and thinks to
himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be
fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks
his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better
and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
\"Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked,\" he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He
takes a look up the stairs and says \"No fockin' way\", but he crawls up
the stairs to his bedroom door and says \"I can make it to the bed.\"
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says \"Fock
it\" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee and says, \"Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?\". Paddy says, \"I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you
know\"? \"Mick phoned, . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub\".
