i dont want to feel like this anymore

i know christmas is meant to be a time for family and being with the people u love ..... but why is it i feel so down and alone even when i have people around me ..... i have been feeling low for a while and the more i try to find help to feel better the worse things get... i end up in argument and getting upset .... some days i find myself cry for no reason or i start becoming paranoid of what everyone is telling me (something i dunno if i have a right to or if its just me)
even when i try to explain myself people become hurt and walk away from it ....i need to know if people understand how am feelin....my bf says hes scared i will try to self harm or commit suicide again but the more i try to tell him am not happy the less he listens to me... i love him and i dont want to lose him i just want him to try and understand

i just want to be able to smile again and mean it ... not to have to fake it to make others happy and to feel like i fit in.

i just not sure how much longer i can cope .... every day i have thoughts i sudnt and it scares me

what can i do? and do i have a right to feel like this?<br><br>Post edited by: cheeky_monkey17, at: 2009/12/25 21:58

I'm no expert in anything me:) but you doo know you're depressed right? I don't know what problems you've got babes (apologisations and that if you don't like being called that) but I'd say the weird paranoidy type feeling are anxiety, and the feeling unhappy all the time is depression, in short anxiety and depression (I've got a bit of both. Your BF probably wants to help but doesn't know how (frustrating for both of you). You give me a shout anytime you want, and I'm a crap sleeper so like even at stupid o'clock in the morning I'll probably be around. You may want to think about therapy and certainly weigh up taking antidepressants for a while. Whatever you decide to do, have no fear, as soon as you start the decision making process, you're already on your way. I had a complete breakdown (sobbing and everything:blush: ) and couldn't do nuffink for myself but I'm mostly happy now and allways have a laugh so it's possible, actually no I think it's definate that although it may not seem like it now - theres light at the endd of the tunnel. Anyway I think it'd be nice to chat to you so .... yeah drop me a line anytime:side:

Hiya Cheeky Monkey.I am sorry that you are feeling this way-Christmas can be a mixed bag of emotions for many people-everyone expects us to be happy and smiling even if we don't particularly feel like it!
If this has been going on for a while tho,I would suggest that you see your GP as maybe counselling or short term medication may be what you need.
Please take very good care and don't be alone with your feelings xxx

thanks everyone for ur reply... it nice to know these people out there that listen. i really dunno what to do and i dont want to feel like am go behind anyones back... but i no i need help and i cant stand being alone with these thoughts anymore...

i feel alone, confused and scared.

You really do need to open up to someone hun whether it be a family member or your boyfriend or your GP but please talk it through.xx

my family hear me cry alomost every day but no one wants to listen... my bf just tells me am being stupid and that am to emotional all the time (although he suffered with depression a few years ago b4 i met him)... or he walks away or hangs up on the phone which just makes me want to cry more

i dont have much to do with my mates now either they all moved on with their lifes getting married and having children ...<br><br>Post edited by: cheeky_monkey17, at: 2009/12/26 23:12