taboo topic? Sex for disabled people and partners

seems nobody uses thwe site nemore..i signed up tho thx for the tip

Hi, This is an amazing topic.....I think many people choose to push it under the social arpet but it is an important part of human development and very natural ....

I am going to be very open and honest with you here...I think for a disabled person it is very hard to find that physical compatibility that makes us feel valid and real as people in a sexxual and emotional context....

I am forty five now and when I was in my twenties I had no one to talk about my frustration...I knew no one would desire to come close enough to me to fullfill a sexual relationship....it was part of who I was and whatg I knew to be the case.....as my frustration grew so did my need to be a human..... when I was twenty seven or so I got the nerve to call an agency and a girl was sent to my house....the experience itself left me feeling empty and unsatisfied....but for anyone I would recomennd exploring the possibility....I had a call from the agency the next night asking if I would like my girl to return....I said no...but to this day I wish I had said yes...as it might have progbressed to something a bit more comfortable....as it was it was very frightening....

I have over time met several partners...through the internet....while the relationships have never really extended far the moments of magic have been incredible....do not be afraid of pushing your sexual desire and indeed your need into a real world....

I am blind and deaf and have a balance problem and I feel no one sees me as a sexual being...this is quite stunting to ones growth as a person....and even though I have fathered two children there is still this stigma that is part of me that doubts myself....but once you have experienced with someone then you know you can do it ...and its not just a myth.....I do think thtough the true passion of making love is found with someone you llove deeply and who also loves you.....this is when the sexual magic comes to life....

In the past few yearss I have cared deeoly for a few people and they have not reciprocated ....and while I see myself journeying with them uin all senses oof the concept they only see me as a friend ...and even the friendship energy has diminished to a point where ....ahhh its not there....

SO I say make it real for you....be comfortable to go to Begas if you can...experience something...learn a little....

there will be someone whop will love you but you need to push yourself forward and be out there...failure is simply another step towards success....

The thing to remember is that normal every day people often find it hard finding someone that fits their needs...moods and personilty...this is why there arde so many websites out there serving the love connection...the thing for us is to try that bit harder if we are to get noticed and be paired and indeed loved....for who we are...

Thank you Brian for that frank and open post, you have hit the nail on the head about the stigma and you are totally right in saying you won't know till you take a deep breath and get out there. You must please stay part of the forum because you write replies to posts so eloquently and I'm sure you could bring up many topics that could be debated very well.

Since I lost my husband I have always depended on my eldest son or my grandson to escort me to any event of my choice, recently both were unavailable so I hired an escort mainly to get me there and back home again as I dont drive, they sent this guy round, well dressed about 40 and very good looking, when he asked me at the end of the night if I required extras I must admit I was tempted but then in the cold light of day I think I would have regretted it.

Thank you for the honest answers everyone im happy to learn i'm not the only person to think these thoughts. i have thought about doing it next year on my birthday if nothing happens in the romance department. 354 days to go.

Sandie wrote: Since I lost my husband I have always depended on my eldest son or my grandson to escort me to any event of my choice, recently both were unavailable so I hired an escort mainly to get me there and back home again as I dont drive, they sent this guy round, well dressed about 40 and very good looking, when he asked me at the end of the night if I required extras I must admit I was tempted but then in the cold light of day I think I would have regretted it.

In a way it's lucky you didn't because he would have charged you for it and that sort of thing could have been expensive!! I'm sure you would prefer to give yourself to someone who has the same feelings for you rather than an escort who would treat you like a piece of meat not a human being honey.

Some very cogent comments here. Going down the sex worker route is fine as long as your expectations are low enough to prevent disappointment and your overall confidence is high enough to allow excitement to overcome apprehension. You will be making a deal with a stranger some of whom are not particularly ethical or caring or even good at sex!
The upside is that the best are good at all three. I have never made use of the professional girl but have known a few as friends and once had a sex surrogate for a partner. She was superb at her job it was reported to me and our own sex life made it easy for me to believe. In case anyone is interested, no I wasn't jealous finding it easy to separate her job from our love for each other.
Mutual exploration of all the possibilities inherent to a relationship is the safer option, at least initially. I have had a great deal of experience in advising the sexually and emotionally isolated in the past the general advice is to socialise and try not come across as needy.
I have supported and hosted lunches run by The Outsiders Club (in the past) and recommend that you at least take a look at them online. Stateside there is possibly an equivalent.
Good luck in your endeavour!

BUBBADOG14 wrote:

Sandie wrote: Since I lost my husband I have always depended on my eldest son or my grandson to escort me to any event of my choice, recently both were unavailable so I hired an escort mainly to get me there and back home again as I dont drive, they sent this guy round, well dressed about 40 and very good looking, when he asked me at the end of the night if I required extras I must admit I was tempted but then in the cold light of day I think I would have regretted it.

In a way it's lucky you didn't because he would have charged you for it and that sort of thing could have been expensive!! I'm sure you would prefer to give yourself to someone who has the same feelings for you rather than an escort who would treat you like a piece of meat not a human being honey.

I thought to myself if I can't pull a bloke these days I will do without, I have a few male friends and enjoy going out to lunch etc, my husband would be a hard act to follow anyway, I shall sit back and see what develops :lol:

Sandie wrote:

BUBBADOG14 wrote:

Sandie wrote: Since I lost my husband I have always depended on my eldest son or my grandson to escort me to any event of my choice, recently both were unavailable so I hired an escort mainly to get me there and back home again as I dont drive, they sent this guy round, well dressed about 40 and very good looking, when he asked me at the end of the night if I required extras I must admit I was tempted but then in the cold light of day I think I would have regretted it.

In a way it's lucky you didn't because he would have charged you for it and that sort of thing could have been expensive!! I'm sure you would prefer to give yourself to someone who has the same feelings for you rather than an escort who would treat you like a piece of meat not a human being honey.

I thought to myself if I can't pull a bloke these days I will do without, I have a few male friends and enjoy going out to lunch etc, my husband would be a hard act to follow anyway, I shall sit back and see what develops :lol:

You are a lovely woman Sandie and a good friend I think any man who you meet is going to be a very lucky man but I'm sure he has a hard job living up to the standards your husband left.

why is it so bad to just want a cudddle & some enjoyment..friendships & more often start with a cuddle & a kiss..

seems cuddler therapist is harder to find in my area than i thought..

It isn't bad to want the things you ask about, that's a given. Unfortunately the residue of religious so-called morality has a strong influence over the minds of many individuals and true compassion and empathy are rare attributes in the majority. All that is a long-winded way of saying people take a negative view of the sexual/emotional needs of others.
Take steps to find what you need it may be with a lover, a friend or you may have to pay, this is the only life you have if it hurts no-one take what you can and give what you have. Take a look at the website TLC Trust.

Now that is so exciting....

TLCtrust is an amazing concept....I really like the way they are embracing the conceptthat the disabled being is a sexual being the same as any other person and certainly deserve the experience that most take for granted.

I embrace this totally. If I could I would set something up like this in my own country....in order to make those that have disabilities feel comfortable finding what they need...