So, my partner has a facial difference and constantly makes self-deprecating comments about it, calling herself ugly, hideous, asking why I'd want to date her, stuff like that.
I want to help with her self esteem, but I feel like anything I say will just come off as insincere. If I tell her I think she's pretty (which is true) she'll think I'm downright lying, if I tell her I don't care about her appearance and her personality is what matters (which is also true) she'll take it as me saying she's unattractive.
If there's anyone here with facial differences or conditions that affect appearance, can you tell me what are some things that you would want to hear from a partner? Things that would or have made you feel that they were telling the truth?
My partner's facial difference
3 years 4 months ago #65108
Look at one part of her at a time. If she won't believe she is beautiful as a whole right away, pick at individual features. Does she have stunning eyes? Slip that somewhere into a conversation. Is her nose cute? Does the bridge of it nicely curve? Is the shape of her chin appealing? Honestly, just choose one thing to compliment her on. Eventually, she'll put them all together, and she'll see that, though she has some "ugly" features (as does everyone), she has some gorgeous ones, too, and that overall she is beautiful.
I went through something like that with myself, and I just told myself to look in the mirror, and challenge myself to find just one thing I liked about my appearance. Eventually, I got used to how I looked, comfortable with it, and just remember what I do like.
I had an accident last year, I did post something about it on here, when walking in to our kitchen pushing my walker my leg gave way I fell with a glass in my hand and my face it our heating vent on the floor and I cut my eye open. To cut a long story short I had to have an operation with plastic surgeons to repair my left eye. I still have a scar across my head an eye and while in hospital I turned to my husband and said 'I'm ugly divorce me' he cupped my face in his hands kissed my head and eye and said 'your still my beautiful, funny, caring & annoying' wife nothing has changed. Which made me laugh and cry. Doing something like that will make her believe you, it's about getting the moment right.
I think she's lucky having someone like you to care about her.
I'm facially challenged(!) and I've never had a relationship of any kind. I've had 'dates' where the girl just wants someone to spend all their money on her and vanishes when the money runs out (and that's not counting the girls who set you up by pretending to date you then sending a bloke in to mug you of the money you've got) but I'd love a girl to say to me what you've said to her.
Treat her like a girlfriend, show her how little the facial difference means to you, she's the woman you love and she'll respond. She's just feeling a little vulnerable right now.