I have done something really silly but found more than i wanted. My boyfriend went out leaving his sign in open on his hotmail and of course i went to close it untill i saw hi babe and a womans name? Then i commited the cardinal sin and looked at it. Then i looked at everything:( I found Emails between my partner and 2 other women during the course of our relationship. One during the first year which i had already suspected after finding a receipt for 50.00 worth of flowers when doing his accounts and the other when i was pregnant with our 2nd daughter. It,s nothing smutty and id have handled that better truthfully but he told one of them he loved her. She accused him of being old enough to be her dad!! (he,s 42 so it,s feasible) I thought he was happy and i suddenly feel very ugly disabled and so sick i can barely breath. I always tried to be a good partner. Problem is if it was flirting, which is likely as he is with me all the time, do i let this go? We have had rough patches and i can see im not much of a bargain for a nice looking man with my problems. Im scared to broach it as he is very much smarter than me and i never should have been looking. Im in the wrong for snooping and last time i tried to draw him out on the flowers he said the only important thing was whether he loves me and is committed to the relationship. He says he is and he would not have had time when i was pregnant to cheat but lord i dont know. Him and the girls are my life and im terrified it may implode beacause i could not look away!! Advice anyone please!!!!
I made out i have a friends in this situation and it was very surreal. Im sure he knew the deal here and told me to tell my friend that she should sit and ask her man if he was serious about their relationship and did he want more babys. If he said if the man said yes then obviously it indicates he is commited and in love with her. So i sort of said she thinks it was most likely flirting and he brushed it off saying everyone flirts. I said i understand how she feels and when he asked me i just said i am sure you have never physically been unfaithfull to me but i am aware you have flirted twicw to my knowledge. He shrugged and said well im still here so dont you think people figure out the grass aint greener on the other side. Then he asked me if i looked in his email. I said no because if i found something i would leave you and thats a fact, so if i dont look i cant find anything. You dont have anything to hide do you i said. He went white and said no way and sort of joked at he never realised i ould be like that. I told him point blank im disabled in my body hun my self respect and my pride are twice as strong because of that. Whole thing took bout 20 mins and funny enough i feel oddly as if i won somehow? Wierd day and thanks guys your the best HUGS Cat xx
Hi Lady M ...In my view,the hardest thing for you to do, armed with this information was to put it into words in this forum. You have a much stronger resolve than me.......but in writing,did it give you any answers??
From my position I have no intention of giving an opinion,as I do not feel qualified . However,I will state the obviouse points...
1..You are who you are because of your Challenges in life..Its made you strong and people adore you for what you are.
2..Most men Ive known, over the years, have an ability to flirt and often take things further......In their own minds they dont see it as a betrayal to their partner.....In their own minds they see it as Play..
3..In recent years more women have also adopted the same attitude..
As I said non of this is intended to be advice on your situation.....But I extend a long hand of friendship in your hours of need xxxxx;)
I tried to put my playfull past behind me on this relationship as i thought it was the whole nine yards. Truth be told it would seem im better of being the cat that always was her own woman and dealt life back whatever it threw at her. With great trust comes great responsibility. Well he f****d that one up didnt he lol. He was put on the proverbial spot eventually an i fessed up. I admitted to being wrong on all counts and asked him the score. His answer!!!! You should not have looked so im not telling you anything i dont have to. Im here aint i and i would not be here if i didnt love you. My dad used to say that to mother after every beating!! My resolution??? He thinks he,s won i know i just took control of my life again but he,s yet to know how..... in fact he may never now anything more than goodbye. If you do tell another woman i love you i said it was no flirty thing. His whole reasoning for answering no questions lies in me snooping. Sorry folks but all that comes to mind is flirt all you like but if you love another woman please piss off!!!!!!
Oh, and I forgot, whe you sit him down to talk, remind him that he has a financial responsibility for your kids, then tell him to pack his bags. get a locksmith in to change the locks, then get down to your lawyers, and fleece him for every last penny.
That way, he won't have 50 quid to spend on flowers for his lady-friend, and she'll soon tire of him.
But he will have burnt his boats with you.
It's always so sad when a long term relationship is in the ending stage, especially when there are kids involved too. Just thank your lucky stars that you're not married to the b-stard!