Poet And Didnt Know It

With life so hard to cope each day,

I give my thanks in any such way,

That a friend is here, far or near,

A true good friend I hold oh so dear,

When eyes are closed and times are sore,

I think of my friend from another shore .

"Do everything with a mind that lets go.

Do not expect any praise or reward.

If you let go a little you will have a little peace.

If you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace.

If you let go completely you will know complete peace and freedom.

Your struggles with the world will have come to an end."


Aachan Chah

Sometimes you find open spaces in a dream
Perhaps filled with gracefull white birds
Inviting you to follow them up to the sky

Sometimes you find open spaces in a dream
They might bring you a careless sleep
And safe you from all your worries and pain

Sometimes you find open spaces in a dream
Where sleep gives you warmth, comfort and joy
And darkness makes place for a liberating light

By Ella
Inspired by a dutch poem

I'm Still Me

At 18, all my faculties were in place
Didn’t worry about time moving on apace
Back then over 30s were old to me
“Got forever till then, what will be will be”

“Forever” soon passed, I’m now growing old
Time flew so fast, new views would unfold
Still feel in my head, like that fun-loving kid
But things blur the feelings, they seem to stay hid

My brain’s still alert, but the body not so
Arthritis has put it on a constant “go slow”
Health problems caused the weight to rise
And the eyesight is going, there’s no surprise.

“They’re laughter lines, really, they are”,
You can’t see them if you look from afar
“My hair isn’t grey under all that dye”
OK, well maybe a little white lie

I still have so much to offer, I feel
More than preparing the midday meal
But my aged appearance so often betrays
That I’m still so useful in lots of ways

Assumptions are wrong, I can certainly do
Anything required, as good as you
The brain and the mind make the person “dance”
You just can’t judge someone by only a glance

“Oldies” can still learn new things, don’t you know?
And into the mix we are able to throw
Life experience,which comes in spades
Which will take youngsters a couple of decades!

But I can learn what you know, of that be certain
I’m definitely not at “life’s final curtain”
(That’s if I don’t know most of it all already)
Even if I might have to take it quite steady

I want someone to look behind the vision
And finally come to a sensible decision
That age is a number, and knowledge is key
We can use it profitably, if only they could see.

By me

I’m Still Here

Silent
During deep coma
A blurred mind,
I felt upside-down

I was young still,
Too young to die
Death came unexpectedly
And unexpectedly she left me there alone again

Suddenly she reappeared;
I called out her name
She didn't hear or
Didn't want to

The re-birth process had just begun
And it was going to be
Extremely long
Excruciatingly painful

I assure you
I crashed into bits and pieces
Those days, those nights
I still happen to fall apart at times

My friends,
They called
But no breath or voice was left
They asked: “Will she be fine?”

Fine…

I’ll never be fine again!
I’ll never be the same again!

I've reflected upon so many things
And carefully thought about
All the words I could have spoken up

What for? After all, I‘m still alive

Though I know:

Even if I seem to get stronger every single day
The healing process
Isn’t going to progress at speed

Because I’m not running in reverse

Never thought before
Life could be
So tricky,
So taxing…

‘Cause while the trees uphill
Kept stabbing the sky with their sharp pointed tops
And the glaciers - long gone memories –
Kept slowly melting away,
I was reaching the bottom of my private hell

Every single thing I feel now
Reminds me of that

I cursed the day
I was left there alone

Though since death is gone
And no one feels my inner pain
Why scream it out loud?
Why bang the fist, why suffer?

I must be insane…
'Cause after all, I am still here

Yet, I like thinking of myself in a few years
Home again
Resting,
Drifting out of hell
Slipping out of it
Pulled by a vision:
The regular rhythm of my steps
The sweet smell of newly mowed grass

And there I am,
breathing freely again
standing firmly on my legs
Wet grass under my boots
Log cabins everywhere

And far off there’s a little one
Standing on its own
So I stop,
Look:

My new home

And while being soothingly hugged by a munificent nature
I take a sip of my fresh, thirst-quenching water,
Step forth again

That’s it for now…
Time to wake up…
I'll see to this dream later...

May 27, 2010 Tessa :dry:
(About coma & after)

time for another one, maybe?


Stop the Merry-Go-Round

Wake up every day
Get up, out of bed, feed on baby food
Injecting water and meds
Into a thin little tube

No one sees the inner pain
Biting claws infecting my Soul
Every time I know
I’m falling deeper into a bottomless hole

All these days hanging around
As if I'd be waiting for someone or something
To stop the spinning in my brain,
Stop the music, the sound

But it’s always the same,
Days in and days out
Dying little by little within
Holding myself, so small and fragile, crouched
Onto my own little palm, like a cricket,
Ready to spring

Open up your hand!
I must touch the ground!
Please let me free, I need to stand!
I want to find my Self again!

Gotta stop this spinning
Gotta stop the chimes
Gotta find a strategy, or couldn’t I just…
Jump off?

May 29, 2010 Tessa
(Eyes conditions: left eye with pendular nystagm & right eye squints + Total loss of balance)