So there you are, pootling around the local shops, it's a nice day, you're wearing your "Danger Mouse" underpants, all's right with the world. But what's this coming towards you? Someone using a mobile phone. They come mostly in four flavours - (1) Someone having a quiet conversation who is perfectly aware of where they are in relation to yourself. Fine. (2) Someone listening quietly on their phone to someone else. They then explode with loud manic laughter in response to whatever has been said to them, just as you are passing by, almost causing you to add a "Penfold" to your DM pants.(DM and Penfold might only be familiar to Brits of certain age!) (3) Someone who is not very happy and is letting whoever is on the other end of the phone know this. If irrate, high volume 'Effin' and Blindin' were an olympic event they'd be unbeatable. (4) Someone who can best be described as a "Zombie Screengazer". They hold the phone in front of them and stare at it intently. Reading something? Watching a video? Having their brain scanned remotely for signs of intelligence? Number 4 is the worst imo. The others you can avoid, but this one just keeps on coming and can change direction at any time. When I was in hospital I was amazed at how many of the STAFF (doctors and nurses) were zombie screengazers, lumbering around the corridors, totally oblivious to what was happening around them. I was in a manual wheelchair and sometimes had to swerve to avoid them for THEIR own safety! I am well aware that the mobile phone is now an indispensible part of life for many people, as is the motor car - but at least there is an enforceable 'Highway Code' for the latter and you have to pass a test before you're allowed to drive alone. So, what I propose is a mandatory test for all mobile phone users to prove they are fit to operate such a device in public. PUBLIC is the operative word here. The housebound and those who only use their phone on private land would be exempt. In the same way that farmer's children are allowed to drive 4x4s / quad bikes around the fields, the unlicenced phone user with their own fiefdom would be allowed to stand on hill tops and do Dom Jolly impersonations all day long if they want. Trainee public phone users would get qualified instructors - "In a short while I will be placing my hand firmly on your shoulder. At that point I want you to bring your Twitter session to a swift but safe conclusion". There could be special courses that teach you how to use plain English instead of text speak. (I 1der hw mny Ppl Wld Tk Tht up LOL !). I don't think I've said anything new here, it's just one more observation of how people behave in our increasingly insular society. Like people who leave their shopping trollies unattended in the middle of supermarket aisles for minutes on end while they go off in search of some elusive item causing a traffic jam. Or those big penguine-like things with five elephantine legs, that wake you up in the middle of the night to ask where you keep the marmalade. That last one might just be me.
