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New Nursery Rhymes

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16 years 5 months ago #5792 by Karl
New Nursery Rhymes was created by Karl
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little b******.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.


Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass'

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock..
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh s***, it's Global Warming.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

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16 years 5 months ago #5798 by Scotty
Replied by Scotty on topic Re:New Nursery Rhymes
:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: Karl my man you have really excelled yourself, they are really funny:woohoo:

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16 years 5 months ago #5799 by ducky
Replied by ducky on topic Re:New Nursery Rhymes
where do you get them from i was in stitches :woohoo: B)

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16 years 5 months ago #5805 by bjm49
Replied by bjm49 on topic Re:New Nursery Rhymes
Mary had a little lamb
she also had a bear,
ive often seen her little lamb
but ive never seen her bare.

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16 years 5 months ago #5808 by TheLadyMagenta
Well iv just about quit holding my sides karl! Genius my friend iv never seen something so funny lol. Do bring us more. Cat xx:laugh:

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16 years 2 months ago #11002 by cheeky_monkey17
what do u think abt me sing those in nursery next time am at placement lol

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