Why would someone knock my karma down?

Hey Amanda,
Thank you and all the other members on this site for your prayer,s,

I am now out of the i.t.u but i,m pretty fed up! the doctor told me that i could go home today but it now seem,s i won,t be going home until friday at the earliest! not impressed! i dunno what Nat has told you but i am now on dyalisis, i have to say it was a hugh shock,one minute i,m sent into hospital because i have a persistant kidney infection,the next thing i know i,m waking up hooked upto machines and drip,s, thennnn if that wasen,t enough i,m told \"hello maria,you,ve been very sick, and we have some new,s for you?\" i,m then told, you know you,ve been very ill with your kidney, so of course i said yes, then i,m told have you noticed the tube,s in your upper chest??, funny but yes i have noticed it,s hard not to! he then tell,s me we had to dyalise you on sunday and sadly your kidney cannot sustain itself anymore, your infection,s are getting so bad now that you are no longer responding to any of the antibiotic,s including the i.v antibiotic,s so we had no choice but to dyalise you on sunday, we have run alot of renal function test,s, sadly your kidney just isn,t working if we leave you and do nothing there,s a very real possibility that your kidney will cease to function then you would got into total renal failure within 2 week,s your other organ,s would shutdown and you would die.
What a way to be told hey?? i at first thought it was a wind up?? but i noticed i,ve been feeling pretty rough now for quite a while but i just assumed it was all the infection,s, apparently that was when it was found that my kidney function really slowed down hence the reason i had to have emergancy dyalisis and now i,ve got to have it 3 times a week, i am also on the kidney transplant waiting list and i,m on all kinds of drug,s, i,ve had to have my morphine upped cuz my fibro is really playing up, i don,t know if it cuz of the infection,s etc, or what? i just know i am very very tired all the time, my joint,s are aching like buggery and they want me to get a wheelchair because my leg,s and arm,s hands etc are getting so swollen it hurt,s like hell!! i,m having a bone scan done in the morning because i have broken two bones within 4 week,s and they just wanna check everything is ok?? so all in all i had hoped to come home today but i,m not however i am so thankful to Natty for bringing my laptop to me, i feel like i,m going crazy!!! the nurse,s are great but i just hate hospital,s and i believe you feel better when your home soooo i,m praying i,ll get out of here soon!
Thank,s Amanda for asking after me i hope you are ok? as for a wheelchair race, to be honest i don,t intend going in one yet!
Well i,d better go for now before hitler in knicker,s comes moaning her head off take care Amanda and i,ll catch up with you later on maria x

Pleased to see your feeling better xxxx

Karma,

With your apparent spunk, spirit and determination no one can take that Charisma from ya regardless of what the prize is or isn't Enjoy life as you seem to be doing

\"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass ...it's about learning to dance in the RAIN!

So dance it is jj~:blush:

Thank you JJ, for posting that!!It is lovely. I am poorly myself at the moment and it lifted my spirits.

Oh well it looks like someone has decided I don't deserve good karma and has knocked my karma down again! Well as I lie here in bed feeling the lowest I could feel for me, actually feeling my bones ache through my body, shoting sharp pains like electric shocks flying from my ankles up round my hips into my lower back:sick: . And I think about how I have tried to be friendly,open and show positive karma to people.I ask myself why would someone want to give me negitive karma? If someone really has it in for me I don't give a flying s**t! as I am to ill to even go finding out who the pondlife is:angry: .

I want to oppologies for my rant the other day, I was having a hard day with this 'flare up'. But I want to clear up what someone sent me in 2 texts yesterday,these nasty and upsetting texts come from someone who called me a friend!! She wanted to make clear that she and her friend suffered worse pain than I did with my illness. I want to clarify how does she know she this? the only person who knows how much pain I suffer with is me. I will say the reason I went in to detail about the pain I am suffering was to show how open I am to feel nasty comments.The other thing this person said which I took personally was that I didn't care about people.I thought my illness is worse than everyone elses! I take that to heart because I always put my friends 1st always have and always will that is the way I am. I know there are people in this world who's illnesses are worse than mine and I know that cause I have some friends who's illnesses are worse than mine, and I really feel for them, they know that. What upsets me the most from this person was I tried to be a good friend to her and people who know me on this site know I am an open book, I always answer peoples questions as best as I.All I am doing on this site is trying to meet people to be friends with. Be true.