Joke of the Day

Just had curried Pelican at the local Indian...Not bad but the Bill was enormous. xxxx

Paddy says 'Doctor I have a sore arse'
Doctor bends him over and finds a wad of money up there.
'How much was up there?' asks Paddy.
The doc replies '£1900'.
'Sounds about right' replies Paddy. 'I knew i didn't feel too grand'

A boy asks his Granny " have u seen my pills, they were marked LSD" Granny replies " fuck the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen " ???

A scouse girl goes to put her name on the housing list.
The council worker asks,
'Are u married?'
'No.'
'How many children do u have?'
'Ten',
What are their names?
''Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam and Liam.
''Isn't that kind of confusing?
''No, it's great.
I just shout LIAM YOUR TEAS'S READY or LIAM TIME FOR BED and they all come running at once.
''But what if u want to speak to them individually?
''Oh I just use their surname.'

After much speculation that he was going to put out a weakened side against Blackpool, Sir Alex Ferguson submitted the following team sheet before the game.

1. Edwin Van der Sar

3. Patrice Evra

6. Wes Brown

12. Chris Smalling

23. Jonny Evans

24. Darren Fletcher

18. Paul Scholes

11. Top Flight Premiership Footballer

8. Anderson

13. Ji Sung Park

9. Dimitar Berbatov

I wish place on record that, unlike Ryan Giggs, if you catch me shagging a glamour model with big tits you can tell anyone you f....g like xxxx