Joke of the Day

There are two types of people in the worl today..Those who like cliffhangers and .......................................................

Man pulls wife into bedroom and rips off her clothes. "Now do a handstand against the full length mirror". "Hmm" she thinks "kinky.... i like it". She does a handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her muff. "The boys in the pub were right," he says. "A goatie would suit me!"

A priest offered a Nun a lift...
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.....

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

VERY BRAVE MEN JOKES

How do you turn a fox into a pig ???........Marry her

Whats the difference between a battery and a woman??.....Batteries have a positive side

What are the three fastest means of communication??...Television....Telephone...Telawoman

Why do women fake orgasm ???...Because they think men care xxxx

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS.."

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"

"Because I don't want any of those b*tches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, "Putting Your Affairs In Order."

My girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkeys...I thought she was joking...........Then I Saw Her Face ...xxxx