Joke of the day

A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.

Chaos reigns at The Winter Olympics ,after the death in the Luge...The Irish Bobsleigh team are now refusing to compete until the course is gritted first xxxx

When Grandpa and Billy entered their vacation cabin, they kept the lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting insects. Still, a few fireflies followed them in. Noticing them before Grandpa did, Billy whispered, ‘It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.’

An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sperm sample for the doctor.He turns up 2 days later with an empty jar...The nurse asks..why no sperm ?? ..He replied...sorry..I tried with my right hand and I tried with my left hand...I got the wife to try with both hands on several occassions....She tried with her mouth ...first with teeth in ..then with teeth out...Then we got Ethel from next door to try...hands..mouth...but no good......We just cant get the bloody lid off the jar xxxx

A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother muse puffed up her lungs and went, “Woof! Woof!” The cat turned tail and ran. With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settle and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children. “Now, what’s the lesson from that experience?” “We don’t know,” the baby mice squeaked. “It is this,” said Mother Mouse. “It’s always good to know a second language.”

Just bought the Misses a brand new Bag and brand new Belt........The vacuum cleaner going well now xxxx