Joke of the day

TEACHER : Johnny, give me a sentence starting with \"I\".
Johnny: I is...
TEACHER : No, Johnny, Always say, \"I am.\"
Johnny: All right... \"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.\"

Little Johnny at the examination Center:

Little Johnny stares at the examination paper for 5 Minutes & starts removing his clothes.

The examiner alarmed, approaches him and asks What is going on??.

\"Oh Sir, I am only following the instructions yaar,\" he says,\"

Answer the following questions in brief.

Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time.

The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month.

The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.

The judge said, \"That was great how did you do that?\"

The boy told him, \"I used a diagramme, your Honour. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.\"

\"That's admirable,\" said the judge. \"And you, how did you do?\" he asked the second boy.

\"Well, your Honour, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.\"

\"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!\"

\"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your rear end before prison.'\"

Johnny got into a bus which was full packed with passengers and no seats were vacant.A kind gentleman offered his seat to Johnny.

gentleman:please take your seat sir.

Johnny: Oh no it is already late. I have no time to sit.

Three Irishmen in a bar....
Paddy...In my pub back home if you buy the first three drinks you get the fourth free...

Mick...Not as good as mine..if you buy the first two drinks you get the third free..on the house...

Michael.....Well..at my local if you buy the first drink..you get the second..third..fourth..fifth...sixth drinks bought for you...Then you can go out the back and get shagged non stop.....

Mick and Paddy said...Blimey ...has that happened to you ??? to which Mick replied...No..but it did to my sister xxxx :ohmy:

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit.

Second a carpenter,
strong and so bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor,
so tall and so thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within.

Fourth was a hunter,
who was short and was stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without.

Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish
and gave it a smell.

Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee.

Last was a sailor,
a dirty old runt,
he sucked it and f*cked it,
and called it a c*nt.