Joke of the day

Just been outside and have been hit on the head by a lasagna a black forest gateaux and a baguette.

Must be the fall out from

Iceland

National newspapers report people being hit by frozen food falling from the sky.

National Headlines: FALLOUT FROM ICELAND

NOW do you believe me?

Husband gets a phone call from his wifes doctor...who says..We have your wife down here and Im afraid theres been a mix up of her test results....We are not sure whether she has Alzhiemers or Aids.....
Husband...I beg your pardon and what in the name of everything thats holy ..am I meant to do????
Doctor..Well we are going to put her on the wrong bus to get home...If she gets home Dont Shag her xxxx :laugh:

A woman was sleeping in her bed when her husband crashed through the front door at 3am and woke her up.

He staggered and tried to get up the stairs.

\"What on earth are you doing\" she shouted.

The husband replied \"I’m trying to get a gallon of beer up the stairs\".

\"Leave it down there\" she bellowed.

\"I cant\" he replied.

\"I’ve drunk it\".

Husband gets home late ( early hours) and the worse for drink.....
Wife..What time do you call this and WHY have you got lipstick on your shirt ????
Husband...Theres a simple answer to that my love..I used my shirt to wipe my penis xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

A small plane was carrying three passengers over a mountain range - an old man, his grandson, and an eminent scientist.

Suddenly, the pilot burst into the cabin, saying \"The engines have all failed! Grab a parachute and jump from the plane!\" With this, the pilot opened the cabin door and leapt out with his parachute.

To their dismay, the 3 passengers discovered only 2 parachutes were left in the cabin!

The Eminent Scientist took a pack, saying \"I'm sorry you two, but I won a Nobel Prize, I am the head of several intellectual Think Tanks - honestly, I'm worth more to society than either of you\". The Eminent Scientist leapt from the plane.

The Old Man turned to his grandson and said, \"My dear boy, take the last parachute. I've had a good life. Yours has just begun.\"

\"Don't worry, Grandpa\" said the young boy, \"that guy just jumped out the plane with my backpack.\"