Joke of the day

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a wise woman and told her her problem.

The wise woman rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said \"All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vagina' and it will start having sex with you\".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts \"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT\" and the woman says \"It's a pickled penis\"

Unfortunately her husband replied \"PICKLE PENIS MY ASS\"

Bruce, an Australian who was working on contract for 3 months in Dublin was drinking in O’Donoghue’s pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone.

He hangs up grinning from ear to ear, orders a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, because, he announces his wife back home has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but Bruce just shrugs, \"That's about average in Oz. Like I said my boy is a typical Australian baby boy.\"

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later Bruce returns to the bar.

Greg, the bartender says \"You're the father of that typical Australian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So how much does he weigh now?\"

The proud father answers \"17 pounds\"

Greg is puzzled and concerned. \"What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.

Bruce takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says
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\"Had him circumcised mate\".

Scientists have discoveredthat most women will...at some time in their life...contain intelligent DNA...Uhfortunately most of them spit it out xxxx


I will get my coat xxxx :laugh:

A nun gets onto a bus, sits behind the driver and says, \"I have just one regret before I die.\"

The bus driver asks \"What might that be?\", and she says \"I have never had sex, but I can't have sex with a married man or that would be a sin.\"

The bus driver says, \"I'm not married\"

The nun says, \"I have to die a virgin so I will have to take it in my situpon\".

Being the only two in the bus they went to the back and took care of business.

When they were done the bus driver says to the nun, \"I have a confession to make, I am married.\"

The nun says \"I also have a confession to make.

My name is Tom and I'm going to a fancy dress party!\"

Teacher: Why are you late?

Little Johnny: My mother and father were quarelling.

Teacher: How come you be late if they were quarelling?

Little Johnny: My one shoe was in mothers hand and the other one was in fathers hand...!!!<br><br>Post edited by: Mini, at: 2010/04/29 06:45

.Iceland goes bankrupt, then it manages to set itself on fire. This has insurance scam written all over it.

· Iceland, we wanted your cash, not your ash.

· Waiter, there's volcanic ash in my soup. I know, it's a no-fly zone.

· Richard Curtis is working on a new rom-com about people stuck in an airport who fall in love. The working title is \&quot;Lava Actually\&quot;.

· I came out my house yesterday and was hit on the head by a bag of frozen sausages, a chocolate gateau and some fish fingers. I realised it must be the fallout from Iceland.

· Volcano in Iceland. What next Earthquake in Asda?

· Woke this morning to find every surface in the house covered in a layer of dust and a foul stench of sulphur in the air. No change, I’ve been married to that bone-idle slob for 20 years.

· Vote for the Iceland Volcano Party. They have done more to curb immigration than 13 years of Labour