JOKE OF THE DAY

A man was driving down the road with 20 penguins on the back seat of his car. The police stopped him and told him that he couldn't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the same road with twenty penguins on the back seat. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies!"

Teacher asks the kids in class "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Billy says "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200 ft yacht, an infinite visa card and I wanna screw her 3 times a day..."
The teacher in shock ignores the boy and turns to little Nancy and asks " What about you dear?"
"I wanna be Billy's bitch!"

Good one Karl!!

Is this a second hand shop?
Yes sir.
Good. Can you fit one to my watch then please!

An Essex girl was driving down the road when her phone rang. It was her boyfriend urgently warning her, "treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful."

"It's not just one car!" replied the Essex girl, "there's hundreds of them!"

Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions. The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow."

"So what's the problem? asks the others.

"I don't wake up until nine!"

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the man needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her 'My Love', 'Darling', 'Sweetheart', etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice that after all these years you've been married, you keep using those little pet names".

The host replied, "Well to be honest, I've forgotten her name!"