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TOPIC: JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 4 months ago #48025

  • bohonk
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A man gets in a very bad accident. He is rushed to the hospital. He is paralyzed on his left side.
The doctor said he will be "all right"
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48748

Okay here goes:-

"Why are you covered in bruises?"
"I started to walk into a revolving door then changed my mind"!!!!

No...... okay how about -

Where do hamsters come from?
Hamsterdam

Oh well I tried.......LOL

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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48771

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I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales , Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"

And that's the last thing I remember.
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48776

Here's my humble offerings for today folks:-

What's 'out of bounds'?
An exhausted kangaroo

or

What's red and flies and wobbles at the same time?
A jelly copter

Laugh.... I nearly fell off my chair laughing (then I would be in serious trouble, because getting me back in it would involve several hefty men and a crane I wouldn't wonder)!!!!
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48777

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One day a little boy called Johnny was sitting in a church. He had to go to the bathroom so he said to his mother, ''Mummy, I have to piss.''
His mother said, ''Johnny, don’t say piss in church! Next time you have to use the bathroom, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, Johnny had to go to the bathroom again. This time he was sitting next to his father, so he said to his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
His father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.'' B) B) B) B)
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48808

Okay here it is:-

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for £50."

He puts his drink down and starts going through his pocket. He pulls out a ten pound note, two five pound notes, a twenty pound note and ten pound coins.

He thrusts the money into the woman's hand and says, "Here.... paint my house"
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48814

What did the talking weighing machine say when the fat lady stepped on it?
Answer, "One at a time please."

What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red sea?
Answer, It gets wet.

There are two cats and they had a race against each other. One cat was called 123, and the other was called une, deux, trois. Which cat won?
Answer, 123 because un, deux, trois, cat sank!!!!

Wow - three jokes for the price of one (and all useless) Have a good day all.
Sue xx
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48836

Top of the morning to you all my friends. Here is today's offering:-

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

"My son was born on St George's day," remarked the Englishman, "So we obviously decided to call him George."

"That's a real coincidence," observed the Frenchman, "My daughter was born on Valentine's day, so we decided to call her Valentine."

"That's really incredible," drawled the Irishman, "Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

No offence intended to any Irish friends out there!!
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48838

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The Jewish ELBOW
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ...”


"What ... You're coming empty handed?"
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48851

A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

"Wonderful," replies his mother, "What part is it?"

The boy says, "I play the part of the Welsh husband."

The mother scowls and say, "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

Have a good, happy and healthy day folks.
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48852

  • cyril
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If Your Teacher Puts
34x + 23×8 / 13 + 47
0n The Board
And Tells You To
"Solve The Problem"

Get Up n Erase The Board Problem Solved
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 2 months ago #48878

Short and sweet today (unlike me!!! LOL)

An astronaut steps in some chewing gum. He is stuck in orbit.
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