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TOPIC: JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE OF THE DAY 3 years 4 weeks ago #60544

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A couple was invited to a swanky, fancy dress Christmas party.
Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He protested, but she said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would give for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
“Oh is that right, and did you dance much ?"
"You know, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening… but you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 1 month 3 days ago #69108

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I took my lad to see Father Christmas yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes.......

..........God knows what Father Christmas thought of him.
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 1 month 19 hours ago #69124

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"On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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JOKE OF THE DAY 2 weeks 5 days ago #69209

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When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 2 weeks 1 day ago #69233

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A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.

"Why did you buy six cartons of milk?" his wife asks.

He replies, "They had avocados."

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JOKE OF THE DAY 2 weeks 1 day ago #69236

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A couple arrive on holiday in a small hotel.
The manager show them the room and ask the tourist:

-Can I do anything else for you?-No, thank you, all is well.

-And for your wife?

- Oh yes, sure: bring me a postcard and a stamp.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 1 week 6 days ago #69256

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A couple arrive on holiday in a small hotel.
The manager show them the room and ask the tourist:

-Can I do anything else for you?-No, thank you, all is well.

-And for your wife?

- Oh yes, sure: bring me a postcard and a stamp.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 1 week 2 days ago #69269

Doctor: "Have you been drinking fluids?"

Patient: "Jeez, Doc, that's literally all I drink."

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