JOKE OF THE DAY

How does a man know when he's getting old "It takes him all night to do what he used to do all night" :blink:

Three sisters aged 92,94 and 96 all live together.One night the 96yr old starts a bath.She puts her foot in pauses and asks"Was I getting in or out of the bath"? The 94yr old yells back " I dont know but I'll come up and see". She starts up the stairs and pauses."Was I going up the stairs or down."The 92yrs old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says "I sure hope I don't get that forgetful" She knocks on wood for good measure.Then she yells to her sisters,"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door" :S :huh: :dry: :blink:

I've just got home from Asda to find all the windows and doors wide open. They've taken everything....it's all gone. The dirty rotten thieving b.....ds What kind of sick minded person would do that to another person? You are not human. You are low life scum... ...That was my advent calendar and you had no right to open it and eat all my chocolates

HA,HA,HA!!

A man walks into a bakers shop and says "I'd like two brown loaves and two white please". The baker shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we're out of white bread". The man smiles and says, "That's ok, I've got my bike outside!".

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Sorry don't get it!!! :huh:

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born... Couldn't walk for a year."

:lol:

I'm glad somebody else does not get it. I mulled it over for five minutes, trying to see what I had missed. Is it lateral thinking or havve I just missed the point?

Man gets bored whilst shopping with his wife, she feels sorry for him and gives him £5 telling him to go for a pint and meet her at their bus-stop in an hour. He wanders aimlessly round town and somehow finds himself in the red-light district. Simply being curious he asks one of the girls "How much?" The girl replies, "Forty for all the way, twenty for oral or a tenner for manual." The man explains he only has £5. The girl tells him, "Sorry, but you won't get much for a fiver." The man shrugs and continues to wander, finds a pub, then goes to meet his wife. While they sit together waiting for their bus the same working girl he spoke to earlier passes by on the other side of the road and recognises the man. She shouts over... "Told ya you wouldn't get much for a fiver!!..

Will wrote: A man walks into a bakers shop and says "I'd like two brown loaves and two white please". The baker shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we're out of white bread". The man smiles and says, "That's ok, I've got my bike outside!".

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Fantastic...

Classic!! :lol:

Karl wrote: Man gets bored whilst shopping with his wife, she feels sorry for him and gives him £5 telling him to go for a pint and meet her at their bus-stop in an hour. He wanders aimlessly round town and somehow finds himself in the red-light district. Simply being curious he asks one of the girls "How much?" The girl replies, "Forty for all the way, twenty for oral or a tenner for manual." The man explains he only has £5. The girl tells him, "Sorry, but you won't get much for a fiver." The man shrugs and continues to wander, finds a pub, then goes to meet his wife. While they sit together waiting for their bus the same working girl he spoke to earlier passes by on the other side of the road and recognises the man. She shouts over... "Told ya you wouldn't get much for a fiver!!..