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TOPIC: JOKE OF THE DAY

Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 6 years 5 days ago #50869

What do you call a camel with three humps?
Humphreys

What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moooovies!!
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #50993

I had a bad car accident outside the labour party headquarters. I was trapped in my vehicle. Two families came to help me - they were the Straws and the Balls. I was pulled out by the Straws, but my mate wasn't quite so lucky!!
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51072

A lady calls the police to report that her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tell them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, with blonde, wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbour to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbour then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, it doesn't mean I wanted him back!!"
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51152

What's the difference between a politician and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks the blood out of people at night.
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51218

Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
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Re: JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51239

What do you get if you cross a road with a safari park?
Double yellow lions.

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JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51246

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The elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.



One afternoon while shopping the wife decided to send every husband for a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bit. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. "


The husband texted back to her: "I'm in the toilet. Please advise."
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JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51247

:laugh: brillant I love it xx

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JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 11 months ago #51248

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thnks :) :) :)
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JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 9 months ago #52070

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The Naked Cowboy
A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with
nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking
Around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants..... So I did.


Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts..... So I did.


Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,
'Now go to town cowboy. '

'And here I am.'

Son of a Gun. Blond Men do exist!
First time I have ever seen a Blond Man Joke

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JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 8 months ago #52167

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Sharon, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.


One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to
Sharon, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our
cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the
barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

So then the farmer leaves for the fields.

After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front
door.

Sharon takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and
when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another
dizzy blonde, the man asks,

'Tell me, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Sharon explains very
confidently.

Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'


She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says
over her shoulder...



'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

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JOKE OF THE DAY 5 years 6 months ago #53722

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"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket."

"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yoghurt."

"It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt." :huh: :S :evil:

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