It,s the way you tell em

Good one Karl like it alot:lol:
Its hard to make a comeback when you have'nt been anywhere :lol: :woohoo: :whistle:

I brought a goldfish,and the assistant said do you want an Aquarium?.. \"I said I dont care what star sign it is :huh:

i was reading a book tittled the history of glue I couldn't put it down

AN ATHEIST,walking through the jungle, was suddenly attacked by a tiger.
'Oh god what can I do?'he cried.
A voice from above said 'You deny my existence, yet you appeal to me when you are in trouble.What makes you think I will do anythink for you,a non-christian?'
The atheist called back, 'if you can't help me, at least make the tiger behave like a christian'
The tiger crossed its paws and said, 'for what I'm about to recieve...'

What did one flea say to another,shall we walk or take the dog.:blink: :laugh:

An old lady celebrating her 100th birthday is wheel,d into garden by her family,she can only communicate by writing notes,she starts to lean to the left and they prop her up with pillows,she starts to lean to the right and again she is propped up,she starts to lean forward and they tie a sheet round her,Her favorite grandson says are you alright grandma? she writes they wont let me fart

Little pigeon in the sky
Dropping (things)from way up high
Angry farmer wipes his eye
Very glad that cows dont fly:lol:

a german bloke crashed into a sausage factory,he had a turn for the wurst.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer.A brick layer:silly:

The pope flies into new york and is met by a massive limo,i would love a go at driving that he says,no way says driver, i,ll get the sack,i will make it worth your while says pope so driver gets in the back and pope flies down highway at 100mph,a traffic cop pulls him and seeing who it is calls his sergent,ive just pulled over god for speeding he says, god how do you know? well he is sitting in the back and the pope is driving.

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven which part of your body goes first?'

Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'

'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'

Suzy replied, 'because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.'

'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your feet.'

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
'Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'

Little Johnny said, 'Well, I walked into mummy and daddy's bedroom the other night and mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'Oh ! God, I'm coming!' 'If dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.'

The Nun fainted...

Man died and was waiting at the gates of heaven.St Peter said now my son what have you done to merit entrance to heaven.Well said the man I gave a homeless person 25p last week.St Peter looked at Gabriel who nodded to confirm this was correct.Well that is not enough to get into heaven my son.Wait said the man I also gave a homeless person 25p two years ago,Gabriel nooded again to confirm this was true.St Peter thought for a few minutes then whispered to Gabriel what shall we do with this fellow.Gabriel said oh give him his 50p back and tell him to go to hell. :lol:

addy n Murphy workin on a buildin site.Paddy says 2 Murphy 'I fancy the day off,im gonna pretend im mad' He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down n shouts 'IM A LIGHTBULB IM A LIGHTBULB' at the top of his voice Murphy watches in amazement. The foreman shouts 'Paddy get down,pack yr tools,yr mad,go home'. He leaves the site. Watching this Murphy starts packing up 2. 'Where r u goin?' asks the foreman.'i can't work in the dark!'