Joke of the Day

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach and For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walked past and said, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied,


"If you were better looking it would lift itself."

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f*cking skint."

Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

Im sitting here wondering why my new publicated book.......101 Ways to kill a postman ......hasnt arrived

Little Johnny tells mum "Mummy, at playtime, I saw Daddy's car go in the woods with Aunty jane' 'Oh' said Mum, 'carry on'' Jack & me sneaked out & saw them kissing &' ."Stop!" Said Mum, "Why don't u tell us all tonight so Daddy can hear too". Later Johnny, told them. . "I saw Daddy's car go into the woods near school, me & Jack went into the woods too & saw daddy kissing Aunty Jane then they took their clothes off & did that thing that Mummy & Uncle Bob do when Daddy's at work" . .Mum fainted. .The moral of this story is;Women should always shut up, listen, & let people finish b4 interrupting. .

Two elderly ladies were having afternoon tea in a cafe when Ethel looks closely at Mabel and says, "Mabel do you know you have a suppository in your ear?"

"I am so glad you told me Ethel" said Mabel.

"Now I know where to find my hearing aid."

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

"Son, where were you today?"

Son says "at school dad."

Robot slaps the son!

"Ok, i watched a dvd at my mates!"

"What dvd?"

"Toy story."

Robot slaps the son again!

"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.

"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs

"HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."

Robot slaps The mum!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: