Joke of the Day

Raoul Moats black Lexus is for sale on ebay, he only wants coppers for it!

Northumbria Police are offering £10k reward for info.on Raoul Moat. If not caught by next Tuesday the reward will increase to £20k making it a Raoulover xxxx

A Hippie sits next to a nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her, she said \"NO! i am married to god!!\" and gets off the bus disgusted. The bus driver said \"she prays every tuesday night at midnight in the grave yard, why dont you dress up in a hooded robe go to the grave yard tell her you are god and demand sex?\" The hippie tries this and to his suprise the nun said \"yes but only if we have anal sex as i want to keep my virginity\" They have passionate bum sex and when they are done the hippie throws off his robe and cries\" ha ha\" I'm the hippie! The nun cries out \"ha ha\" i'm the bus driver!!

The Nigerian Goalkeeper has said he will refund all fans who travelled to SA . He says he just needs their bank details,credit card number and their mothers maiden name xxxx :ohmy:

Man walks into WH Smith & says \"Do you have that new self-help book for men with really small dicks?\". Girl says \"It's not in yet.\" He replies \"Yeah, that's the one!\"

In an effort to instill more ability and passion into the Failed England team plus a lot of flair,it has been decided to give our players Brazilian sounding names...as floows.......

Steven Gerard.......Gerrardio

Wayne Rooney.....Rooneyinho

Frank Lampard.....Lampardio

Emile Heskey.......Youuselesslumpofcrapio

xxxx

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f* * k I've ever had I wonder how the girls got on?

Man driving down narrow road. Woman driving up same road. They pass each other. Man winds window down & shouts \"FUCKIN FAT COW.\" Woman yells back \"FUCKIN BALD PRICK.\" Woman then drives round corner, crashes into a huge cow and dies. If only women would fucking listen!

Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life....

I want to try that Wheelbarrow position said Paddy...

What the hell is that..replied his wife...

You bend over hands on the floor..I pick your legs up and bobs your uncle...said Paddy.

I will do it on two conditions..one.If my arms get tired youll stop....two...We dont go past my mothers house xxx :laugh: :blink:

One thing about blokes from Australia is that their hearts and humor are always in the right place!

Mr. T. B. Bechtel, a City Councilor from Newcastle, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:
'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say,' 'Red is positive, Black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.'

My mate paddy is shagging a pair of twins...i asked him How do you tell them apart.Thats easy he said.-tracey's got blonde hair and Derek's got a cock...

For my sons birthday I bought him an iPod
For my daughters birthday I bought her an iPhone,
On my birthday I was pleased to recieve an iPad,
For my wifes birthday I bought her an iRon,
Then the fight broke out xxxx :laugh: