Joke of the Day

Was in the pub,at the bar when a young lady coughed and her false eye popped out..Luckily I caught it before it hit the floor...Later on I took her home,after a few drinks and one thing led to another...we had rampant sex for hours...
Upon laying back with exhaustion ( both of us) I asked..Are you always so friendly on a first meeting....To which she replied...Only if they Catch My Eye xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

In 1872 the Welsh invented the condom, by using a sheep's bladder. However in 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first.

When is the only time a man Multi-Tasks ????

When he watches porn...masturbates....and keeps an eye on the door xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

David Dickinson has had a new TV show commissioned by the BBC in which he takes people around the streets at night looking for the cheapest hookers.

It's called Bargain Cunt.

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates... As he enters, he asks St.
Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I
white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'



St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'



So the zebra went off in search of God.



When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know Am I white
with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'


God simply replied 'You are what you are.'


The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God
straighten out your query for you?'


The zebra looked puzzled.. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''


St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are
white with black stripes..'


The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'


'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would
have said, 'You is what you is..'


WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and
Obama will be comin after yo white ass!!!

After years of practice and a high intake of performance enhancing drugs a Russian Female Weightlifter went to the doctors with a highly unusual complaint....
Doctor.....Whats wrong ???

Weightlifter....Ive grown a cock...

Doctor...Anabolics ????

Weightlifter....No..just a cock .. xxxx :blink:

I saw a Fortune-Teller the other day. She told me that I would come into some money......Last night I shagged a woman called Penny.....Spooky or What ??? xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

Don't tell me you two are still at it.

Karl, if I was a moderator on this Forum I'd ban you.

Oh, I can't, can I, because it's your Forum.

Oops, sorry.

Gandra wrote:

Don't tell me you two are still at it.

Karl, if I was a moderator on this Forum I'd ban you.

Oh, I can't, can I, because it's your Forum.

Oops, sorry.

It is not my forum, it is the Able Here users forum

I woke up this morning at 7 o'clock and could just sense something was wrong.Went downstairs and the wife was face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing, I panicked, didn't know what to do........then I remembered McDonalds serve breakfast until 10:30.

Tiger Woods,Wayne Rooney and John Terry all went out on the Town.....OK you can complete the tag line xxxx :blink: :ohmy:

Michael Milner Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher are apparently being targeted by the IRA for letting 11 orange men walk all over them for 90 minutes.