Joke of the Day

I saw Roy Hodgson in the car twenty minutes ago doing 140 mph in a built up area ..whilst smoking a spliff,drinking a can of Fosters and sounding his horn outside a Hospital.
That bugger will do anything to get three points xxxx

Paddy thought he'd found treasure with his new metal detector. It wasn't until he'd dug a hole 60 ft deep that he realized he was wearing steel toe caps.

Karl wrote:

Gandra wrote:

Don't tell me you two are still at it.

Karl, if I was a moderator on this Forum I'd ban you.

Oh, I can't, can I, because it's your Forum.

Oops, sorry.

It is not my forum, it is the Able Here users forum

Riiiiiight. So seeing as how I'm only an on and off member

TONY - SHURRUP

I guess that means - ackshully, I dunno what it means, except that it prolly means I can be roood and nobody can mod me.

I think.

[Goes off scratching head]

Gandra wrote:

Karl wrote:

Gandra wrote:

Don't tell me you two are still at it.

Karl, if I was a moderator on this Forum I'd ban you.

Oh, I can't, can I, because it's your Forum.

Oops, sorry.

It is not my forum, it is the Able Here users forum

Riiiiiight. So seeing as how I'm only an on and off member

TONY - SHURRUP

I guess that means - ackshully, I dunno what it means, except that it prolly means I can be roood and nobody can mod me.

I think.

[Goes off scratching head]

Never mind all that...Do you want to buy some Slippers..only slightly used xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rountree on a Double Decker bus, just After Eight. They both got off at Quality Street, where he asked her name.

She replied in a Whispa \"I'm Polo, the one with the hole\".

\"Well I'm Marathon the one with the nuts\".

He touched her Cream Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers, fondled her Flap Jacks as she rubbed his TicTacs.

She sreamed with Turkish Delight.

Three days later his Sherbert Dib Dab began to itch.

It turned out Miss Rountree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts....................

A woman taking golf lessons just started her 1st round but was stung by a bee!She raced to the clubhouse and her golf pro asked why she was back so early.She told him of the sting.\"Where did it sting you?\"She said,\"Between the 1st & 2nd hole.\"He nodded and said,\"Then your feet are too far apart..

The French Round-The-World Yaught sailing team were distraught to be beaten on the finish line by 7 Pakistanis on a garage door xxxx :laugh:<br><br>Post edited by: tonypark, at: 2010/10/14 14:22

Wife helping husband set up computer. For the password, hubby types MYPENIS - wife fell off chair laughing when pc replied PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH

I was standing in a queue behind a woman with the biggest backside I had ever seen. Suddenly her phone started to beep....and a little boy behind said...bugger me shes reversing xxxx:( :blink:

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place,

and as he shows her around his

apartment

She notices that one wall of his

bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet,

cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the

bedroom,

with hundreds and hundreds of cute,

cuddly teddy bears carefully placed

in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken

quite some time to lovingly arrange them

and she was immediately touched

by the amount of thought he had

put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along

the bottom shelf,

medium-sized bears covering the

length of the middle shelf,

and huge, enormous bears running

all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an

obviously masculine guy

to have such a large collection of

Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his

sensitive side.

but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and

continue talking and,

after a while, she finds herself

thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy

could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future

father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him

lightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds,

and he romantically lifts her in

his arms and carries her into his bedroom

where they rip off each other's

clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she

responds with more passion,

more creativity, more heat than she

has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night

of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

they are lying there together in

the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently

strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her,

strokes her cheek,

looks deeply into her eyes,



and says:








'Help yourself to any prize

from the middle shelf'

Oh well its all over....After 63 days of doing nothing a group of men in hard hats and high visibility jackets are on their way home.........The Council have finally filled in the potholes at the end of my road :blink:

The Top Ten Differences Between Cats &amp; Dogs:
10. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you when they are good and ready.
9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.
8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.
7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper.Cats might bring you a dead mouse.
6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.
5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.
4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.
3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.
2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.
1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.