Joke of the Day

Wife comes home early & catches hubby having a wank in the kitchen. She rushes over & gives him the blow job of his life. After it he says...'We havnt had sex for 6 months & suddenly this! Why?' She answers...l only washed the floor this morning. I'd rather brush my teeth than clean the fucking floor again.

Couples marriage has hit the Rocks so they go to a Councillor...

Husband is asked ..What is your wifes Favourite Flower...

Husband smiles and holds his wifes hand and looks into her eyes and says fondly.....Its Homepride xxxx :ohmy:

School girl says, \"Mummy, I know where babies come from!\" Mum replies, \"Where's that then darling?\" Girl says, \"Mummy & Daddy take their clothes off & Daddy's thingy sort of sticks out & Mummy puts it in her mouth & sucks it & that's how u get babies!\" Shaking her head, Mum says, \"Oh darling that's so sweet, but that's not how we get babies, that's how we get flowers, jewellery, clothes, shoes & alll the decorating done\"!

A family take their mum to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her then sit her in a chair by the window. She slowly starts to lean over to one side. 2 attentive nurses straighten her up. She starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. The family arrive and asks \"Are they treatin you alright?\" \"Its pretty nice,\" mum replies, \"except the bastards won't let you fart!\"

Husband turns to his wife and says...When I die I am going to leave everything to you......

You already do,you lazy git..was her reply xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

Paddy says to Mick \"The wife's just given birth to identical twins\" Mick replies, \"Who do they look like?\" Paddy answers \"Each other you daft bastard!\"

A Friend of mine employed an Eastern European cleaner for his house. He was amazed when she took 8 hours to vacuum his home....
Turned out that she was a SLOVAC xxxx

Woman goes to doctors & says \"I'm getting too much discharge.\" Doc says \"Pop your knickers off & get on the bed.\" He puts on his latex gloves and shoves 3 fingers into her fanny. \"How does that feel?\" \"Fucking lovely\" she replies \"only the discharge is from my ear!\"

23 people have been found glued to the ceiling and walls of a train in Dublin. Police believe Irish muslims have set off the first ever No More Nails bomb.

Ordered a chinese last night, the chink turned up at my door and said \"£20 prease\". I smiled and said \"Can you tell me the name of Jordan's blind son?\" He said \"harfey price\". I replied \"cheers Ting Tong here's a tenner now fuck off\"

Man & wife are cooing over their new born baby. \"Look at his knob,\" says the man, \"It's massive!\". \"Yes dear,\" says the wife, \"but at least he's got your eyes\".

I was told that my Al Quieda Muslim Optician had died last night........

Asif Eyecare :blink: