Joke of the Day

Wife comes home early & catches hubby having a wank in the kitchen. She rushes over & gives him the blow job of his life. After it he says...'We havnt had sex for 6 months & suddenly this! Why?' She answers...l only washed the floor this morning. I'd rather brush my teeth than clean the fucking floor again.

Couples marriage has hit the Rocks so they go to a Councillor...

Husband is asked ..What is your wifes Favourite Flower...

Husband smiles and holds his wifes hand and looks into her eyes and says fondly.....Its Homepride xxxx :ohmy:

School girl says, \"Mummy, I know where babies come from!\" Mum replies, \"Where's that then darling?\" Girl says, \"Mummy & Daddy take their clothes off & Daddy's thingy sort of sticks out & Mummy puts it in her mouth & sucks it & that's how u get babies!\" Shaking her head, Mum says, \"Oh darling that's so sweet, but that's not how we get babies, that's how we get flowers, jewellery, clothes, shoes & alll the decorating done\"!

A family take their mum to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her then sit her in a chair by the window. She slowly starts to lean over to one side. 2 attentive nurses straighten her up. She starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. The family arrive and asks \"Are they treatin you alright?\" \"Its pretty nice,\" mum replies, \"except the bastards won't let you fart!\"

Husband turns to his wife and says...When I die I am going to leave everything to you......

You already do,you lazy git..was her reply xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

Paddy says to Mick \"The wife's just given birth to identical twins\" Mick replies, \"Who do they look like?\" Paddy answers \"Each other you daft bastard!\"