Joke of the Day

In the pub last night two blokes were discusing how their names matched their jobs.
1st bloke: \"My names 'Mike' and I work as a singer.\"
2nd bloke: \"Yeah, my name's 'Doug' and I'm a gardener. Really weird aint it\"
The two scousers sitting at the next table called 'Rob' and 'Nick' said f*** all

Randy guy goes to the doctors as he notices a rash on his privates....
Nurse says....Youll have to stop this self-abuse Mr Johnson....
Mr Johnson...But its one of my few pleasures...for goodness sake Why ????
Nurse...Because Im trying to examine you xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

Sex is like Paint-Balling ..... You play hard for 30 minutes, get all hot & sweaty and when it's over, you're just glad it wasn't you who got shot in the face !

After a night of drink,drugs,& wild sex,Tom woke to find himself next to the ugliest woman he'd ever seen.That's when he realised,he'd made it home safely.

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed..I didnt mind until I found out she was faking it xxxx :ohmy:

I saw a dead woman laying in a field last night, so I reported it to the police.

They said, 'how did you find her body?' I said, 'her tits were okay but her arse was a bit tight!'

I went into a brothel and said, \"How much for anal?\"She said, \"Sixty quid\"I said, \"Ah, that's a bit expensive. I think I'll leave it\"She said, \"Tight arse\"I said, \"Oh go on then\"

A Senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160Kmh; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

\"Amazing!\" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Lookingin his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

\"I can get away from him - no problem!\" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180Kmh, then 220, then 240Kmh. Suddenly, he thought, \"What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!\"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him..

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said,\"Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.\"

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, \"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.\"

\"Have a good day, Sir,\" said the policeman.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blink: :ohmy: :laugh: I saw a sign on a building which made me wet myself...............Toilet Closed xxxx :ohmy: :laugh:

The RSPCA have released a DVD over the weekend to help dejected North London Football Fans.....Its Called..How To Hold On To A Lead ,ARSENAL .... xxxx :laugh:

hi just a few jokes from teddy if they are dodgy please let me know

ok tonto and the lone ranger are sitting up on the hills and tonto says \" range we must get to fort bing bong on over hills\" i konw replies ranger.\"but look at all those indians.\" they look at each other count to 3 and ride for thier lives through the indians arows flying everywhere,they get inside the fort loneranger climbs down NO ARROWS tonto nearly dying covered in ARROWS he grabs the rangers hand and says ranger why i cover in arrow you have no arrow he said well tonto i put on my ARROW MISS THIS MORNING AFTER I SHAVED:woohoo:

hi just a few jokes from teddy if they are dodgy please let me know

ok tonto and the lone ranger are sitting up on the hills and tonto says \" range we must get to fort bing bong on over hills\" i konw replies ranger.\"but look at all those indians.\" they look at each other count to 3 and ride for thier lives through the indians arows flying everywhere,they get inside the fort loneranger climbs down NO ARROWS tonto nearly dying covered in ARROWS he grabs the rangers hand and says ranger why i cover in arrow you have no arrow he said well tonto i put on my ARROW MISS THIS MORNING AFTER I SHAVED:woohoo: