Joke of the Day

In the pub last night two blokes were discusing how their names matched their jobs.
1st bloke: \"My names 'Mike' and I work as a singer.\"
2nd bloke: \"Yeah, my name's 'Doug' and I'm a gardener. Really weird aint it\"
The two scousers sitting at the next table called 'Rob' and 'Nick' said f*** all

Randy guy goes to the doctors as he notices a rash on his privates....
Nurse says....Youll have to stop this self-abuse Mr Johnson....
Mr Johnson...But its one of my few pleasures...for goodness sake Why ????
Nurse...Because Im trying to examine you xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

Sex is like Paint-Balling ..... You play hard for 30 minutes, get all hot & sweaty and when it's over, you're just glad it wasn't you who got shot in the face !

After a night of drink,drugs,& wild sex,Tom woke to find himself next to the ugliest woman he'd ever seen.That's when he realised,he'd made it home safely.

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed..I didnt mind until I found out she was faking it xxxx :ohmy:

I saw a dead woman laying in a field last night, so I reported it to the police.

They said, 'how did you find her body?' I said, 'her tits were okay but her arse was a bit tight!'