Joke of the Day

A MAN JUST FINISHES WORK ON THE HOME GOES DOWN COUNTRY ROADS ALL OF A SUDDEN HITS A RABBIT JUMPS OUT THE CAR LOOKS AT IT, ITS DEAD LOOKS BEHIND HIM NO-ONE THERE SO CHUCKS IT IN THE BOOT THINKING RABBIT STEW RABBIT PIE ETC ALL OF A SUDDEN TWO BLUE LIGHTS AND A SIREN SO HE PULLS OVER HE GETS OUT AND THE MAN IN THE UNIFORM SAYS IM FROM THE RSBCA SO THE MAN OPEN HIS BOOT STARTS CRYING AND SAYIN I DIDNT MEAN IT ITS DEAD, THE UNIFORM MAN THEN SAID HANG ON WENT TO HIS CAR CAME BACK TO THE BOOT AND SPRAYED THE RABBIT WITH A CAN OF SPRAY SH SH SH
TO THE DRIVERS SUPRISE THE RABBIT JUMPED UP AND RAN OFF IN TO THE NIGHT WHEN QUESTIONED THE UNIFORMED MAN SAID ITS HEIR RESTORER :whistle: :blush:

A lady get,s on the bus with a new baby, as she goe,s to pay her fare the bus driver say,s to her,God woman your baby is butt ugly!

The poor lady goe,s and sit,s down next to an old man, he ask,s her what,s so wrong madam? she replies that bus driver has just insulted my baby calling him ugly!

The guy say,s to her, i wouldn,t stand for that! if i were you i,d go up and tell him not to be so rude!

So the lady ask,s the man here would you mind holding him? the old man say,s of course i don,t, so the lady goes up and tell,s the driver off saying you are a very rude arrogant man, i and my baby didnt deserve your arrogant nasty comment take it back! so the driver duly apologise,s and say,s m,am i am sorry for being so rude about your baby buttttt! before she heard the rest she was on her way back to the back of the bus.

As she sit,s down ,the elderly man ask,s did you tell him off? you bet i did i gave him a right mouthful, then the old man say, m,am this is the uglest monkey i,ve ever seen!!!:laugh:

lol you don,t look that bad!! i,ve seen some men dressed up as women, anyway what,s wrong with it? hope you have a great weekend maria x

Just bought a new Tom-Tom satnav.and thought it would be funny to enter....Wanker...as a destination .....
Out the kettle on Im outside your house xxxx :laugh:

Please dont panic about me but Ive been rushed to hospital after I ate a daffodil bulb thinking it was an onion....
Doctor says I should be out in the Spring xxxx :ohmy:

Please dont panic but Im in the hospital casualty deptmt....Turns out that the new Dyson Ball cleaner isnt what I thought it was xxxx :blink:

Dont you hate these people with clipboards who waste your time in the street...Had one outside Boots ask me what I use for grooming...Should have seen her face when I said....Bebo..Facebook..pictures of puppies and sweeties xxxx

Just booked a table for me and the girlfriend for Valentines Day.......It will all end in tears..she is useless at snooker xxxx

This should give you a Happy Face!!!!!



Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street .

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!

Karl i loved that one

On holiday in Spain recently and saw a sign which said....English Speaking Doctor.....I thought to myself..great idea..why cant we have that in Our Country xxxx

Glass Coffins.....Will they catch on ?????

Remains to be seen xxxx :ohmy: