It,s the way you tell em

i rang up a building firm and said
I would like a skip outside my house please
He said I am not stopping you

A man walked into the doctors
The doctor said I havent seen you for a long time
The man replied I know I've been ill

A man walked into the doctors
he said I've hurt my arm in several places
The doctor said well don't go to those places



:huh: :blush:

A horse lost a race and the furious owner says to the jockey could you not have raced faster?the jockey replies i suppose so but im supposed to stay on the horse you know.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,so they lit a fire in the craft.Unsurprisingly it sank,proving once again that you cant have your kayak and heat it too.:lol:

Bomber runs into Pet Shop and puts bomb on the counter...OK..he says..You all have 2 mins to get out....
Tortoise from back shelf shouts..You Bastard xxxx :whistle: :whistle:

Paddy asks his mate Mick if he wants any fags when he goes on holiday.....Mick says...Yes please,you can get me 200 Bensons...
Two weeks later Paddy comes back home and sees his mate in the pub...Mick says..How did it go and did you get my fags?
Paddy said ..We had a great time and you owe me £74.50...
£74.50?? for goodness sake where did you go on holiday

Skeggy ...he replied xxxx;) :side: :silly:

One for you TONY.

---

Tonys walking down town one day when he sees an old mate putting out empty cans and bottles in the bin,my god it looks like you had one hell of a party last night,his mate obvious in pain says actually we had it on saturday,we had about 15 couples from around the neibourhood over and it got a bit wild,around midnight we started playing who am i,Tony says how do you play that? well all the men go to the bedroom and come out 1 at a time covered in a sheet with only their crown jewels showing through a hole in the sheet and the woman try and guess who it is,Tony says that sounds fun sorry i missed that,probably a good thing you did says his mate,your name came up seven times.:lol:

Worker called into the office to see the boss.
What do you want first said the boss, the good news or the bad news.
Whats the good news,the good news is you have got the pay rise you asked for.
The bad news is I just made you redundant.

Did you hear about the Buddist who refused Novocain during a root canal.
His goal was Transcend Dental Medication:)

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in; She turned and said,
You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.’ His eyes lit up and he thought, ‘This is my lucky day.’Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced herAnd then gave it his all; Right there on the kitchen table.Afterwards she said, ‘Thanks,’ And returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked, ‘What was that all about?’She explained, ........ ‘The egg timer’s broken'

A Penguin went into a pub and asked the barman \"has my brother been in\" the barman replied \"what's he look like\"

Camel walked into the same pub...Barman said..Why the long face xxxx;) :whistle:


Same pub had a Rhino walk in...Barman said...We dont get many Rhinos in here...
Rhino replied...Im not surprised at £7 per pint xxxx:( :whistle:

Lady in dress shop \"can I try that dress on in the window\" Sorry madam you will have to use the changing room like everyone else.:lol: