It,s the way you tell em

A man goes into a hardware store to buy some insecticide.He holds up a box and asks the assistant\"Is this stuff good for beetles\" the assistant replies \"No it will kill them.:lol:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her
ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together
at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all
right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping
his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally
allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful
massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel?'

He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'

Three old mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a Nursing home.

About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old Grandma's yelled out saying, \"We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.\"

The old man said, \"There ain't no way you can guess it, you old fools.\"

One of the old Grandmas said, \"Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.\"

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, He dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
*Then they all piped up and said, \" You're 87 years old!\"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,
\"How in the world did you guess?\"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three old
Ladies happily yelled in unison--

\"We were at your birthday party yesterday.\"

Boss your fired
Employee why I am such a steady worker.
Boss Yes if you were any steadier you would be motionless.:lol:<br><br>Post edited by: Scotty, at: 2008/08/13 09:57

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL MATCH WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.'

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'POWERGEN' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

'FINE!'

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'FRIDGIDAIRE'
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

'FINE!' SHE SAYS
'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK'

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS', HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'TAYLOR WOODROW' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!'

SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'
SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.'

HE SAID,
'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.., DO YOU SEE 'MR KIPLING' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

:laugh: :silly: :laugh: :silly: :laugh: :silly: :laugh: :laugh: love it !!!:laugh: :laugh: