Joke of the Day

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.'

'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.

'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.

'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't
mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'

'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's
pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing
round this way?'

'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck.
'I'm a plasterer.'

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn
more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his
bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids
the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could
be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats
sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!'

'Sounds marvelous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
'Get him to give me a call.'

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey
Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good
money.'

'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'

'At the circus,' says the barman.

'The circus?' repeats the duck.

'That's right,' replies the barman.

'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?'

'Yeah,' the barman replies.

'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in
caravans?' says the duck.

'Of course,' the barman replies.

'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the
middle?' persists the duck.

'That's right!' says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. .
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'What would they want with a plasterer??!'
:lol: :lol: :lol: :silly: :silly: :silly:

In California you Cant take a photograph of a man with a wooden leg......

















You need a camera to take a photograph

Got kicked out of my maths lesson the other day. The teacher asked 'What comes after 69?' Apparently 'mouthwash' was the wrong answer. :evil: :evil: :evil:

I failed a health and safety course at work today. One of the questions was 'in the event of a fire, what steps would you take'? Apparently, 'f****ing big ones' was the wrong answer!

Paul McCartney is gonna be pissed when he finds out his new wife spends twice as much on shoes as his last one.

We went out for a meal yesterday, & whilst the wife was in the toilet, the waiter asked "And what will the lovely lady be having?" "I don't know" I replied, "probably a poo!" :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

When i was 14 my dad caught me smoking...so he made me smoke the full pack...i just wish he'd caught me s******** a girl guide :huh:

I was at the office yesterday and one of the women asked.....What is your Ring tone like ???
I said light brown like most other guys.....

These woman are getting very forward these day s xxxx

I cant stand people who think they are badly off....I have a mate who is brilliant...He has lost his voice and legs in a car crash...But do you hear him making a Song and Dance about it ??? No xxxx ................ I will get my coat

All complaints about that joke ...please direct to Karl xxxx :laugh:

Paddy orders a pizza, chef asks if he wants it cut into 4 or 6 ? Just 4 replied paddy, don't think i could eat 6 pieces

:silly: :silly: :silly:

Wife phoned me today ..yelling down the phone how I had given her crabs...how I had deceived her...
Listen to me ,I said...dont point the finger at me...ask your sister where I got them xxxx

I saw my mate this morning, he's got 1 arm bless him.
I shouted, "Where u off to?
to change a light bulb he said,
That's going to be awkward isn't it?
"Not really" he said, "I've still got the receipt, you sarcastic t***!