Joke of the Day

Question....What is 6 inches long and wont get sucked on tonight ???

Answer.... Jimmy Savillls cigar :laugh:

Two Irish men looking through a catalogue. Paddy say's "look at those gorgeous women! The price's are reasonable too," Mick agrees! "I am ordering one of them right now."3 week's later, Paddy say's "Has your woman turned up yet?""No" said Mick. "But it shouldn't be long now. Her clothes arrived yesterday"
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Was on the phone to a Thai Lady today and it appears the floods are worse than I thought...She said the water had almost reached her Balls

One of the seven dwarves has been arrested for shagging a giraffe. Apparently the other 6 put him up to it :silly: :silly: :silly: :silly:

As I lay in bed ,half asleep a hand went in to my boxers and started to massage my privates...Although it was pleasant I wasnt in the mood ..so I said...Sorry I have a headache so cant get into this......
It doesnt work like that in here said my cell mate :laugh:

for cats lovers.......... :woohoo:

CAT VS. DOG

DOG DIARY :silly:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The
only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe.

For now... :evil: