Joke of the Day

An 80yr old man walks into Jewellers with a gorgeous 25yr old fit blonde & asks 4 a special ring 4 the lady, jeweller says "Here's one £5000." Old man says "No I want a very special ring." So he pulls 1 out £65,000, he says "That's the 1, I'll write a cheque & when it clears on Monday we'll come & fetch it." On Monday jeweller phones old man & says "There's no money in the account." Old man says "I know, but can U imagine the weekend I've had?" :whistle:

My Girlfriend had a Near-Death experience today......Stupid woman thought she could Hoover whilst football was on the tele :laugh:

Teacher says to little Paddy "The essay you wrote about your dog is word for word the same as your brothers".
"Of course it is" said Paddy. "Its the same f******* dog"

They have set a tough task for tonights..Bush Tucker Trial...One of the Kangaroos has to eat one of Fatima Whitbreads testicles

Im hosying an African Themed Party tonight....There will be no food and the drinks will be 12 miles away

An irish man and his son went to the zoo, a sign says "feed the elephant a bun to get your age". The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stamps it's foot 6 times."wow" says the boy "that's right i am 6, you have a go dad". The irish chap gives the elephant a bun . . . A moment later the elephant farts and stamps twice "be jesus that's right" said the father "i am farty two !"