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TOPIC: It,s the way you tell em

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26582

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:laugh:

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26600

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A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers, and as he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

\"Are you the manager?\" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

\"Actually, no\" he replied.

\"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him\" she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

\"I'm afraid I can't,\" breathed the bartender. \"Is there anything I can do?\"

\"Yes. I need for you to give him a message,\" she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

\"What should I tell him?\" the bartender managed to say.

\"Tell him,\" she whispered...

\"....there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.\"

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26698

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There is a new telephone Hot Helpline for Illegal Immigrants...In future please phone...0978666559321656787432454329876549987608326758732987501216527587733589976654872165372829983852186354874532976759354698765333342211988877665643298786545444432345679843298543443321278888654323454643 ( calls cost £3000 per minute) xxxx :blink:

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26708

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Fred and Ethel's new computer:

Oops, wait a minute dear, it says to insert your floppy disk

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26715

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Life Before Computers......

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment.....
A programme was a TV show...
A cursor was someone who swears a lot....
A keyboard was a piano....
A web was built by spiders...
A virus was the flu....
A hard drive was a long trip down the motorway....
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived....
And if you had a 3inch floppy ...well,you just hoped and prayed no one found out xxxxx :woohoo:

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26730

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There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, \"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.\"

The other cow replied, \"I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.\"

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26819

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Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, \"We don't serve your kind in here.\"

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, \"Why not? We're cultured individuals.\"

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26822

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Polar Bear walks into a plush Hotel bar and orders an Arctic Screw Cocktail....
Barman....We dont get many of your type in here...
Polar Bear....Im not blinkin surprised at £29 per drink xxxx ;)

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26829

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A guy was shopping at the supermarket. When he got to the checkout line there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of him. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,\"Paper or plastic?\"

\"It doesn't matter,\" she replied, \"I'm bisacksual.\"

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26830

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Something tragic happened in the Supermarket.The lady in front of me fell over and died.....she had just bought a...Bag for Life xxxx :ohmy: :blink:

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26856

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A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman wanted to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.

\"Don't worry,\" he said. \"I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.\"

Several aisles later, she heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system:

\"Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.\"

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Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26869

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A friend of mine was watching his wife show her knickers as she got something from the freezer...Being a randy sod he whipped her knickers off and gave her full-on sexual penetration ( very noisy as well) for a good 20 mins.....
It seems that it didnt go down too well and they have Both been banned from Tescos xxxx :woohoo: :lol:

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