It,s the way you tell em

:laugh:

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers, and as he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

\"Are you the manager?\" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

\"Actually, no\" he replied.

\"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him\" she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

\"I'm afraid I can't,\" breathed the bartender. \"Is there anything I can do?\"

\"Yes. I need for you to give him a message,\" she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

\"What should I tell him?\" the bartender managed to say.

\"Tell him,\" she whispered...

\"....there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.\"

There is a new telephone Hot Helpline for Illegal Immigrants...In future please phone...0978666559321656787432454329876549987608326758732987501216527587733589976654872165372829983852186354874532976759354698765333342211988877665643298786545444432345679843298543443321278888654323454643 ( calls cost £3000 per minute) xxxx :blink:

Fred and Ethel's new computer:

Oops, wait a minute dear, it says to insert your floppy disk

Life Before Computers......

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment.....
A programme was a TV show...
A cursor was someone who swears a lot....
A keyboard was a piano....
A web was built by spiders...
A virus was the flu....
A hard drive was a long trip down the motorway....
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived....
And if you had a 3inch floppy ...well,you just hoped and prayed no one found out xxxxx :woohoo:

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, \"I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.\"

The other cow replied, \"I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.\"