It,s the way you tell em

A wife came home from a shopping trip and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.

Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

I was driving along the highway and saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in the refrigerator.

She had only some worn sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the colour did not suit you.

Her jeans were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now.

Then, when she was about to leave the house she paused and asked, \"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use any more?\"

Martha lost her husband...had him cremated and brought him home and poured him on the patio table.....Tracing her fingers through them she spoke to him....
Bob....remember the dishwasher you promised me ...I bought it with the insurance money....
The car you promised me ..that also came from your bonds.....
That diamond ring you never got round to getting me...that came from our joint bank account.....
Remember that blow-job I promised you...Well.......here it comes xxxx :whistle:

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror.

He asks, \"What are you doing?\"

She replies, \"I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.\"

The husband retorts, \"Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?\"

She replies, \"Frankly dear, your name never came up.\"

Man walking down the street and sees his neighbour...Abdul....shaking a carpet over the balcony....

Whats up...he enquires...Wont it start xxxx

A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,\"Got any fresh fruit?\"

\"No.\"

\"Got any fresh vegetables?\"

\"No. We have only canned and dry goods.\"

The next day, the duck returns.\" Got any fresh fruit?\" \"No.\"

\"Got any fresh vegetables?\" \"No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your feet to the floor.

\"On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,\"Got any nails?\"

\"No.\"

\"Got any fresh fruit?\"

Doctor working late in surgery was shocked when a man walked in and sat down....
Doctor.....Although Im closed is there any way I can be of help...
Man.....Yes doctor,my problem is ..I think that Im a moth...
Doctor....Im a General Practitioner...you need a therapist....you must have know that...why did you come in here????
Man.....I was drawn to the light xxxxx :blink: