Welcome, Guest
Username: Password: Remember me

TOPIC: It,s the way you tell em

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26876

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
A wife came home from a shopping trip and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman.

Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

I was driving along the highway and saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in the refrigerator.

She had only some worn sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the colour did not suit you.

Her jeans were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now.

Then, when she was about to leave the house she paused and asked, \"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use any more?\"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26880

  • tonypark
  • tonypark's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
Martha lost her husband...had him cremated and brought him home and poured him on the patio table.....Tracing her fingers through them she spoke to him....
Bob....remember the dishwasher you promised me ...I bought it with the insurance money....
The car you promised me ..that also came from your bonds.....
That diamond ring you never got round to getting me...that came from our joint bank account.....
Remember that blow-job I promised you...Well.......here it comes xxxx :whistle:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26889

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror.

He asks, \"What are you doing?\"

She replies, \"I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.\"

The husband retorts, \"Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?\"

She replies, \"Frankly dear, your name never came up.\"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26894

  • tonypark
  • tonypark's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
Man walking down the street and sees his neighbour...Abdul....shaking a carpet over the balcony....

Whats up...he enquires...Wont it start xxxx ;)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26903

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,\"Got any fresh fruit?\"

\"No.\"

\"Got any fresh vegetables?\"

\"No. We have only canned and dry goods.\"

The next day, the duck returns.\" Got any fresh fruit?\" \"No.\"

\"Got any fresh vegetables?\" \"No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your feet to the floor.

\"On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,\"Got any nails?\"

\"No.\"

\"Got any fresh fruit?\"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26909

  • tonypark
  • tonypark's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
Doctor working late in surgery was shocked when a man walked in and sat down....
Doctor.....Although Im closed is there any way I can be of help...
Man.....Yes doctor,my problem is ..I think that Im a moth...
Doctor....Im a General Practitioner...you need a therapist....you must have know that...why did you come in here????
Man.....I was drawn to the light xxxxx :blink:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #26919

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop.

An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he'll give her a ride home.

On the way he looks her over and says \"You're a pretty good looking old broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass\".

She says \"What???!!!\". But then thinks that the old age check isn't due for 5 more days, so she agrees.

They are lying on the bed after its over having the usual smoke and he says to her \"Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have offered you $20.00!\" She looks back at him and says \"If I had know you could get it up I would have taken off my pantyhose!\"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #27022

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
A rabbit goes into a bar an orders a pint of beer and a cheese toastie.

He/she, [got to be politically correct here] eats and drinks and then says to the barman/barwoman,\"I am still hungry can I have another toastie plese?\"

\"Yes says the barman/woman what would you like?\"

\"This time I will have a ham and pickle toastie\" says the rabbit.

He/she is given his/her toastie and eats it and then drops dead. He/she finds himself/herself in heaven and asks the keeper of the Pearly gates

\"Why am I here? what did I die of?\"

And Gabriel says,\"well you suffered from the common rabbit complaint....... mixingymytoasties\".

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #27075

  • tonypark
  • tonypark's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
And Thats How The Fight Started.........


I bought my mother in law a plot in the cemetary for last Christmas.....When I didnt get her anything this Christmas she was angry and asked why....
I told her that she hadnt used last years Christmas Present xxxx :ohmy: :lol:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #27082

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, \"What would you like, sir?\"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, \"A quickie.\"

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, \"What would you like, sir?\"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, \"A quickie, please.\"

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding \"SMACK!\" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, \"Um, pal, that's a 'quiche' and it's pronounced 'keeshe'.\"

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #27100

  • tonypark
  • tonypark's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
Whats the similarity between a tightrope walker and a young man getting a BJ from an 87 year old.......



In both cases..you dont want to look down.....

sorry Im ashamed xxxx :blink:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Re:It's the way you tell em - disability site 10 years 3 months ago #27108

  • Gandra
  • Gandra's Avatar
  • Visitor
  • Visitor
Dining in a Micro$oft café

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl.

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a plate, what has that to do with the fly in my soup?

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day.

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[The waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup.

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00

PS, no charge for the fly or the gnat.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: Able_Here_Team
Time to create page: 0.409 seconds