It,s the way you tell em

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, \"mommy, why does the bride wear white?\"

His mom replies, \"the bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.\"

The boys thinks about this, and then says, \"well then, why is the groom wearing black?\"

The returning female South African athlete who is having to go through a close examination of her sex has commented on her situation...
She said at a press conferance......After all my efforts on the track,this is like a kick in the bo...cks xxxx

A man put an advertisement in the classifieds:

\"Wife wanted\"

Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:

\"You can have mine.\"

A Man goes for an interview in a Govenment department......

Interviewer....Do you have any food reactions????
Man......Yes..I cant drink coffee,I get a rash...
Interviewer....Have you served in the armed forces ???
Man...Just done 5 years in Iraque ...
Intervewere....Any disabilities????
Man.....Yes.lost my testicles in a road-side bomb....
Interviewer...Thats great..You can start your job at 10am next Monday until 4pm each day. Your hours are 8am till 4pm but dont bother coming in until 10am each day..
Man....... I dont understand ..if my hours are 8 till 4 why do I not need to arrive until 10 am ????

Interviewer.... Easy answer..this is a Govenment position...We get in at 8am and spend the first two hour drinking coffee and scratching our balls....In your case xxxx :lol: :woohoo:

A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, \"That, sir, is some display of teamwork.\"

\"I have a system,\" says the father. \"No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.\"

An Irishman cleaning his rifle shot and killed his wife then dialled 999.
Paddy.....Its my wife, I accidentally shot her and killed her....
Operator....Please calm down and confirm she is realy dead..sir.....
CLICK...BANG
Paddy...OK done that..whats next ???

xxxx :laugh:

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, \"I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in Vietnam. Could you help me?\"

\"Of course,\" the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.

The second guy wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses, and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively.


\"Don't touch me!\" he cried, \"I'm on a disability pension!\"

A man walking round the Olympic village carrying a pole.

Second man goes up to him and asks, \"are you a pole vaulter?\"

\"No, a German but how did you know my name is Walter?\"

Gandra wrote:

A man walking round the Olympic village carrying a pole.

Second man goes up to him and asks, \"are you a pole vaulter?\"

\"No, a German but how did you know my name is Walter?\"

First told by Chic Murray at The Glasgow Empire and stood the test of time xxxx :ohmy: :laugh:

A woman remained at her husband's bedside as he slipped in and out of a coma for several months.

When he finally came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she next to him, he said, \"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you stayed by my side. There's only one thing left to say.\"

\"What's that?\" she asked.

\"I'm beginning to think you bring me bad luck!\"

Live on BBC 1 tonight...World Cup Preview.....except in Scotland who will be shown the film....Out of Africa xxxx :lol:

A man is walking from the lake carrying two fish in a bucket. He is approached by the game warden who asks him for his fishing license.

The man says to the warden, \"I did not catch these fish, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and whistle and these fish jump out and I take them around to see the sights only to return them at the end of the day.\"

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The man turns to the warden and says, \"If you don’t believe me then watch,\" as he throws the fish back into the water.

The warden says, \"Now whistle to your fish and show me how they jump out the water.\"


The man turns to the warden and says, \"What fish?\"