It,s the way you tell em

An RAF pilot was flying over Afghanistan and shocked when two flying carpets came alongside with machine guns...His instincts and training made him shoot them down....
When he landed he was taken to the CO and given a bollocking.....It appears that they were...Allied Carpets xxxx :ohmy: :whistle:

As two women sat in a coffee shop, they started to discuss their home lives. One said, \"It seems like all Robert and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset that I've lost fifteen pounds.\"

\"Why don't you just leave him then?\" asked her friend.

\"Oh, not yet,\" the first replied, \"I'd like to lose at least ten more pounds first!\"

My wife ran off with my best friend.....I do miss him xxxx

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. \"We need a fourth for poker,\" said the friend.

\"I'll be right over,\" whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, \"Is it serious?\"

\"Oh yes, quite serious,\" said the doctor gravely.

\"In fact, there are three doctors there already!\"
:laugh: :lol: :woohoo:

I wouldnt say that my mother-in-law was fat.But she got a wide-load escort when she walked to the shops ....xxxx:blink:

I wouldnt say that my mother-in-law was ugly.But she was asked to move in the waxworks ...House of Horror.....xxxx :ohmy:

I wouldnt say that my Irish friend was thick.But he thought Muffin the Mule was a sexual offence ...xxxx :ohmy: :whistle:

Walter, who is quite elderly is resting peacefully on the front porch of a nursing home in the country, sees a cloud of dust up the road.

He watches a farmer approaching with a wagon.

\"Good afternoon!\" hollers out Walter.

\"Afternoon,\" says the farmer.

\"Where you headed?\" asks Walter.

\"Town.\"

\"What do you have in the wagon?\" Walter continued.

\"Manure.\"

\"Manure, eh? What do you do with it?\"

\"I spread it over my strawberries,\" the farmer says matter-of-factly.

\"Well,\" says Walter, \"you should come back here for lunch someday. We use whipped cream.\"