It,s the way you tell em

A realy good looking young man walked into an Agents office in Hollywood and said that he wanted to be a movie star...He has been acting on Broadway and was now ready to go into films.
The Agent agreed he looked the part and his acting CV was wonderful....Whats your name..said the Agent...
I am Penis Van Lesbian ...said the actor.....
Wooooo said the agent ..let me stop you there ..you will never be a film star with that name..You will have to change it...
NEVER said Penis...that was my grandfathers surname and I will not change it....At that he bid him good day and left....


Five years later the Agent got a cheque in the post for $50000 and a letter saying how Penis Van Lesbian had been wrong and he changed his name....As a result he had become a Star...

Letter was signed......Dick Van Dyke xxxxx:woohoo:

Dear John Doe,

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product.

Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product.

A loose baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken.

We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time.

We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.

Yours very truly...

Remember our slogans:Cover your stump before you hump.

Don't be silly, protect your Willie.

Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.

Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He’d rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, \"Can I help you?\"

The man said, \"Sure. I’ve come to connect your phone!\"

What is the difference between a Hedgehog and a Volvo ??????


Hedgehogs have the Pricks on the outside xxxx :lol:

A father and his son in the drug store came across an aisle selling condoms. Looking at the selection the son asked his father why there were so many different boxes.

The father explained saying

\"The pack of three is for when you're in high school. You have two for Friday night and one for Saturday night.

The pack of six is for when you're in college. You have two for Friday night, two for Saturday night, and two for Sunday morning.\"

The son then asked his father what the pack of twelve were for, and the father said:

\"That's for when you are married...

One for January

One for February

One for March.....

A man just knocked on my door and asked for my old clothes for the starving people of Africa...
I told him to go away.....if my clothes fit them ,they cant be starving xxxx NON PC xxxx