It,s the way you tell em

This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop.

An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he'll give her a ride home.

On the way he looks her over and says \"You're a pretty good looking old broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass\".

She says \"What???!!!\". But then thinks that the old age check isn't due for 5 more days, so she agrees.

They are lying on the bed after its over having the usual smoke and he says to her \"Geez if I had known that you were a virgin I would have offered you $20.00!\" She looks back at him and says \"If I had know you could get it up I would have taken off my pantyhose!\"

A rabbit goes into a bar an orders a pint of beer and a cheese toastie.

He/she, [got to be politically correct here] eats and drinks and then says to the barman/barwoman,\"I am still hungry can I have another toastie plese?\"

\"Yes says the barman/woman what would you like?\"

\"This time I will have a ham and pickle toastie\" says the rabbit.

He/she is given his/her toastie and eats it and then drops dead. He/she finds himself/herself in heaven and asks the keeper of the Pearly gates

\"Why am I here? what did I die of?\"

And Gabriel says,\"well you suffered from the common rabbit complaint....... mixingymytoasties\".

And Thats How The Fight Started.........


I bought my mother in law a plot in the cemetary for last Christmas.....When I didnt get her anything this Christmas she was angry and asked why....
I told her that she hadnt used last years Christmas Present xxxx :ohmy: :lol:

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, \"What would you like, sir?\"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, \"A quickie.\"

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, \"What would you like, sir?\"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, \"A quickie, please.\"

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding \"SMACK!\" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, \"Um, pal, that's a 'quiche' and it's pronounced 'keeshe'.\"

Whats the similarity between a tightrope walker and a young man getting a BJ from an 87 year old.......



In both cases..you dont want to look down.....

sorry Im ashamed xxxx :blink:

Dining in a Micro$oft café

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup.

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl.

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a plate, what has that to do with the fly in my soup?

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day.

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[The waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup.

The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00

PS, no charge for the fly or the gnat.