It,s the way you tell em

A man gets stuck in traffic near parliament. He asks a police officer what the hold-up is, and is told:

\"The prime minister is so depressed about the UK's debt that he's stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself alight.\"

\"What are you going to do?\" asks the man.

\"We're putting together a collection for him,\" says the officer.

\"How much have you got?\" asks the man.

\"About 40 gallons,\" says the officer.

:woohoo:

Guy was fishing by the river bank and tears were flowing down his face....A passer-by noticed and asked what his problem was....
Fisherman replied...My wife has run off with my best friend......I realy miss Him xxxx :ohmy: :whistle:

Astronaut: \"Houston, we have a problem.\"

Houston: \"What?\"

Astronaut: \"The Russians painted the moon red!\"

Houston: \"Well, do you guys have white paint with you?\"

Astronaut: \"Yes. Why?\"

Houston: \"Write Coca-Cola on it.\"

Police officer stopped a motorist doing 120 mph without effective brakes.....
In his defence the motorist said that he was trying to get home quick....before he had an accident xxxx :ohmy:

Which cheese would you use to entice a grizzly down from a mountain? Camembert.

What cheese would you use for hiding small horses? Mascarpone.

What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East? Cheeses of Nazareth.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

I've just realised that tofu is overrated. It's literally just a curd to me.

A Story with a Moral....

A girlfriend told me to call over to her house one day.Upon arrival her sexy sister was alone.

She whispered in my ear....Im feeling horny,so please screw me now......

I turned and went to the front door to go to my car.....My girlfriend standing there hugged me and said ...You have won my trust....

Moral....Its better to keep your condoms in the car rather than your pocket xxxx :woohoo: